The Grind

A Busy Bee…

2009-08-12T01:59:00.006-04:00

Hey Friends, Family and anyone else reading this one,

I’ve been away from the blogworld for a few weeks, well just away from my own personal page, I guess. Trust me; it’s for good reason as I’m pioneering away for a better future where I can enjoy the fruits of my labor (one day).

I’m going back into the lab and returning focused, guns blazing, with uber posts for you to sink your teeth into (did I just say “uber”?).

This is a glimpse into my everyday crazy life as a young woman (well, seasoned woman) determined to make good of herself and of course, grind in anyway possible to do accomplish my goals, achieve success, and have a little fun in between (that’s where my post about men come in…smile).

In the meantime, I’ve been channeling my inner urban socialite/busy bee/ “I’m a writer working toward optimizing my blog” skills and using them to network the hell out of this city. Guess, I didn’t do too bad as I just received recent blog lovin’ from ideeli and Fashionindie after MB and myself attended a Marc Jacobs event at The Gates a few weeks ago.

I have to wake up soon, so stay tuned for more grindin’ with Miss Joi

XOXO

Think Big, Be Bold

2009-07-10T13:26:00.001-04:00

So, I’m currently reading Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. It’s a good read thus far and I’m only on page 85, Chapter Title: The Wealth Files. One of my favorite points in the book is Wealth File# 4-Rich People think big. Poor people think small. Mr. Eker explains the reason why most people think small in life whether it’s running a business or playing sports. The top reason is fear of failure and more fear of becoming successful. Hey, I get it. Mediocrity is easier to deal with and no one fears it, since your not risking anything. He poses questions in the book such as, “How do you want to live your life? How do you want to play the game? Do you want to play in the big leagues or in the little leagues, in the majors or in the minors? Are you going to play big or play small? It’s your choice” I had to pause for a second, and I’ve realized that I’ve may be thinking way too small. It must be true, since I’m definitely not rich (smile).

Today, I had a thought…who thinks big? Who seems as if they are ready to tackle the world with their “big” idea (and is not afraid to show it)? Who has a “no fear” type of attitude? It came to me. Actor/comedian, Sacha Baron Cohen aka Borat but now known, as Bruno, he has no fear! He tackles stereo-typical titles placed on race, sexuality, and much, much more. He’s certainly not afraid to push buttons. Trust me, if you’ve seen Borat than you understand what I mean. He takes all of those factors, throws in some comedy and a character driven story, and best of all, he’s seems to be enjoying himself and making money while doing it. He’s totally outlandish and I love it! He’s filling an entertainment void in Hollywood. Essentially, Sacha is a problem solver which is the definition of an entrepreneur according to T. Harv Eker.

I heard him on the a radio interview this morning with Ed Lover and Free on Power 105.1FM (WWPR) as his Bruno character and I must admit that I got out of my bed filled with laughter and with a huge smile on my face (but you got to be in to that type of comedy). But, what put the icing on the cake for me is his July cover issue on GQ posing in the nude (recreating the infamous Jen Aniston GQ cover) as Bruno, his new alter ego, who is a gay fashion reporter from Austria. I actually saw the cover today while passing a news stand. All I could do, was shake my head, laugh, and mumble to myself (yes, myself) “WOW! This guy is BOLD!”

So, I encourage you all and myself, Think Big, BE Bold and never, ever sell yourself short! Hell, Sacha did it and you can too!

XOXO,

Miss Joi

P.S-Bruno admitted today on the radio, that Obama is HOT! I totally agree! What do you think? I want to read your comments…

Self Motivation is a Bitch!

2009-07-05T20:17:00.012-04:00

I mentioned to someone recently (not really sure who it was) that I was on a deadline for story like yesterday and they instantly said, "What sign are you?" I responded, “I’m a Sagittarius.” They just gave me a look and I said, “Yeah, I know, we’re procrastinators by nature. I know.” Hanging on to the last word of my comment, I felt as if I was accepting being lazy (on the verge of giving up). But if I give up, there would be no point of this blog, THE GRIND and I’d definitely go into hibernation, a true dark place, and just be…But who wants to settle for going through life clueless, lifeless, helpless, and unhappy?

I’ve always wondered, after someone reaches a certain level in their career and is known amongst their industry, what it took for them to get to that place. I’m sure that they had to start some where and prove to themselves that they could make their dreams come true. But, it takes hard work, it takes dedication, it takes thinking smart, and it takes momentum. Honestly, sometimes your thinking can get blurred and you go through humps in your plan that can lead to a detour in the road (the plan). So, how do you get back on track? How do you stay motivated? How do you avoid throwing your hands up and saying, “I give up”?

I think that you got to really look inside yourself and ask yourself and/or tell yourself, “Is this what I really want?” Can I go on? Do I have what it takes to make it?

If the answer is “Yes”, than you stick to your plan
-You may have to modify your plan (if that’s what it takes)
-Write down your goals and plan of action
-Work on completing those goals/list, daily (even if its small task)
-Network
-Utilize your resources
-Promote Yourself, business, idea, product (whatever your dream may be)
-Get a mentor (if possible)
-Always do research and educate yourself (stay aware of fresh news happening in your industry or in the profession that you want to break into)
-Find new ways or ideas that will keep you motivated
-If you have business partners, define each other’s weakness and strengths (preferably in the beginning) so that you are aware of who can execute certain duties directly
-Accept constructive criticism (take it with a grain of salt, especially if it’s an experienced veteran in the industry that you want to go into)
-Never, Never, Never, give up on yourself (you can definitely tweak your plan but if its really want you want to do, than go for it!)

“If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?”

Always,

Miss Joi

Defeated

2009-06-24T12:02:00.006-04:00

Hey All,

New York has kicked my butt over and over again for the past two weeks. I'm feeling a bit defeated. So, I apologize if I have not posted anything fresh and new. But THE "real life" GRIND has been weighing on me heavy lately. I'm coming up on some very important decisions that I must make soon (in order to grow and continue on with life). Honestly, I'm kinda afraid. More afraid of that I will have to fight (negotiate) for what I really want and that has never been my strongest skill. I've always accepted crumbs or pennies that have gotten thrown my way in the past. But in due time, you just grow bitter and disappointed in yourself that you didn't' speak up and/or take a stand for what you really wanted. I will not continue to do that to myself anymore. In the end, keeping my mouth closed has bitten me right in the ass every-single-time!!!! I know my worth. Don't I deserve all that I'm worth and more?

What do you think?

Miss Joi

Miss Independent

2009-06-15T09:07:00.006-04:00

Hi There... Miss Joi has gone "independent"! This is not a post about being independent, doing it all on your own and bashing men in the process. But what I mean is that my first written piece was recently published online for The Independent, a magazine obsessed with covering the independent film industry since 1978. They've cleverly managed to move from print to online media. I'm totally siked, so I had to tell someone!!! You know that women can't keep secrets (wink, wink). So, click here and read my article on Pamela Cuming and Lee Ross, the phenomenal writing duo behind the psychologically intense drama, Downloading Nancy starring starring Maria Bello (Thank You for Smoking, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor) and Jason Patric (Sleepers, Expired)

Let me Know your thoughts! Thanks, Miss Joi

Bloglovin'

2009-06-13T17:23:00.005-04:00

I usually don't like to toot my own horn, but "TOOT, TOOT!" ideeli.com tapped me for their blog on my personal style advice and giveaway pick of the week. I was honored and it's totally hilarious since I don't feel like a style expert at all. I'm still crafting my own, unique style on a daily basis. Trust me, it's work! I mean, I adore bags and most of all, SHOES like the next woman. But when you're grindin' and and struggling to live within your financial means, sometimes, your style may get lost due to less closet updates in your wardrobe...ahm, barely buying new clothing and accessory items.

Well, I don't want to babel, so I'll let you enjoy this glimpse into my "ideel" style picks.

Happy Reading! I have to get back to The GRIND as always.

XOXO,

Miss Joi

Lost In Translation: The Grind Needs a New Swagger

2009-06-07T17:56:00.009-04:00

Hey There!

I've realized in my old age that I've always been a woman who never really wants to ask anyone for help. I'm not sure if it's good old fashioned pride, shame, guilt, or just feeling like a freeloading friend; but asking someone for help is like pulling teeth when it comes to me.

Sitting in an office on one of the few sunny, 80 degree days that have come our way this spring, I had a mini epiphany. I'm here struggling to redesign my blog and think of fresh story ideas when I can just say one simple word to family, friends, readers, etc; HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Grind (yes, I typed it) has lost its touch. its swagger. its mojo. The look is dry, the content is dry, the entire thing just bores me now. That's sad because I created the damn thing. With all of these other bloggers (ahm, dare I say it...my competition) covering fashion, entertainment, lifestyle and just plain 'ol down and dirty gossip; I had a thought. What keeps readers coming back for more? What keeps them following? The topics? The design? The writer? The images? Is it the continuity of posts monthly, weekly, daily, sometimes twice a day or more? Is it a combination of the latter mixed with a little bit of luck?

Well, people, I look at several blogs daily and I've hit a brick wall as to how The Grind can evolve into something magnificent. Hell, I'm working on soaring from Good to Great (circa Friday, June 5th) so my blog should defiantly be on the same page.

This is my sincere way of extending an olive branch. Help me help myself. In the back, far back of my mind, I've considered shutting down The Grind. But that wouldn't be the best decision since I'm grinding daily like everyone else, especially to remove myself from the 'Rat Race'. I ask you...

What design features would you like to see on The Grind (widgets, gadgets, anything you can share?) We're talking about layout and design people.
What content would you like to read about on The Grind. Keep in mind that these are events that happen in my life, so I need to keep it in the theme. Am I open enough? Or do I need to open up more to keep you interested? Let's keep it clean please. I'd prefer not to write about where and when the last time that I used my vibrator (he, he). No one wants to read about that stuff...and yes, I have a vibrator, don't you?
What topics of my life should I touch on? Anything that you want to know that you don't know about me?
Do I need to post more frequently? or less frequently?
How can I get the blog out there to gain more readers?
I'm open to any suggestions

As always, your feed back is greatly appreciated! Please leave your ideas in the "comment" section below, you can email me at jwheat2@gmail.com, or you can even Tweet your ideas to me, just remember to put @missjoi before your reply (140 character, please).

Thanks in advance and I look forward to reading your ideas.

XOXO,

Miss Joi

Good to Great

2009-06-05T14:17:00.002-04:00

I recently interviewed two screen writers for an assignment that I was covering on their first feature film that had been screened in the Seattle Film Festival. Well, something stuck with me. I remember one of the writers’s mentioned that we (writers) can sometimes find it difficult to accept constructive criticism and advice about our work. We need to learn how to emotionally detach ourselves from our material. Unfortunately, some of us (writers) are extremely stubborn and that type of stubbornness can cause us to miss opportunities and even loose money in the process. Her writing partner totally agreed as he confessed to witnessing some of his friends’ loose large sums of money from a project due to obstinacy.

I guess the moral to this drawn out story is a Marketing Executive that I work for sent me an email saying “Joi, you’re a good writer, but I’m going to make you even better. Let’s talk the next time you come in.” The email was responding to a short post that I’d written for the company’s fashion, style and entertainment blog. Apparently, she read the piece, but I’m still puzzled if she had actually decided let it go public for the readers to enjoy. Honestly, I took that comment as a “no” she wasn't going to post it, that I had potential but just wasn't quit there yet. I couldn't respond as I was running out of the office to work a Happy Hour event where I was….yes, you guessed it, the bartender. I never like to assume anything. As my 6th grade teacher said it best, “when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME”, and I’ll never forget that tid bit of wise knowledge that she taught me.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not a fan of anyone telling me to change my work. However, I’m open to suggestions whether I like it or not. I know that I’m not the best editor of my own material. Therefore, I can always use an extra pair of eyes to correct what I can’t see as an error. That’s the nature of this business. That’s how you grow as a human and as an artist. It pays off in the future. Trust me; pride will get you no where. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Mostly with men, but it can be applied to any part of life.

I will be heart-broken if my piece is not published. But I’m pleased that it’s been confirmed (by person with a vast amount of experience in this business) that I have what it takes to evolve into a solid writer. I’m up for a challenge!

Hey, I may not be the best writer, but I’m great in other areas (wink, wink). Get your mind out of the gutter; I was referring to my cleaning skills (smile). Yeah, you know what I mean.

‘Til Next Time,

Miss Joi

Be Thankful

2009-05-27T14:35:00.003-04:00

The only thought that’s vivid in my mind is grabbing my tip jar, hopping over the bar, and exiting my job in a panic. It occurred all so quickly. I’m sure you're thinking, that’s a little extreme and could totally be a short scene from a movie. But in a fire, you never know exactly how you’re going to react. Yes, I said it “FIRE”.

There was a small fire in the backyard/patio area at the bar where I work. It happened last night. One minute, I’m serving drinks and dancing to “Electric Feel” by MGMT. The next minute, I’m grabbing my tips and doing a Jackie Chan style jump into the crowd. Although the fire was technically outside of the place, I was serving at the back bar that is closest to where the fired occurred. I wasn’t the only one, customers and the owners of the place were nestled around my bar, dancing and drinking, closer to the fire than me. At least, I would have had the bar standing in the way of the fire if it would have seeped its way indoors.

After the panic had settled, and the firemen managed to get everyone out of the building safely; I had a thought…I have a lot to be thankful for and I was happy that no one was hurt. I was even more thankful that the place didn’t burn to the ground. One, I would be out of working for an awesome place with awesome people. Two, any business burning to the ground is just devastating. The owners are great guys too. I would never want to see any harm happen to their business. In any situation, things can always turn out worse. With minor water and electrical damage, I’m glad that (God willing) I may return to work by the weekend.

I’m a firm believer in that ‘ol cliché “Everything Happens for a Reason”. It does. That fire was for a reason and I’m sure it may teach us all something. That “something” from what we learn is different for each individual. Last night, I learned that if I die today that the money and the materials wouldn’t even matter. I can’t take those things with me (where ever I go after I leave earth). Life is precious and is in the NOW (not the past or the future). I need to enjoy myself NOW and focus on that aspect.

Yes, I did leave my phone and my bag in the place last night to burn, if it would have turned out that way. So, you’re probably wondering (in the back of your mind), if worldly possessions don’t matter to me then why did I grab my tips?

Two Words: CAB FARE (smile)

XOXO,

Miss Joi

Working Smarter...

2009-05-16T17:47:00.006-04:00

“Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Tired! Totally overslept…never try to burn the candle at both ends, you’ll def pay for it in due time,”
–Miss Joi, update from her Twitter page (www.Twitter.com/missjoi) on Saturday morning, May 16th.

Since, I’ve moved to New York, I’ll always remember that very first smell of oppournity that snuck into my nostrils. It smelled so good, so promising, and so new. I can definitely contest that New York is a city where everyone or at least most are on their GRIND. Everyone’s working toward leaving the “rat race” or staying out of it all together.

Now, I’m of those people who is focused on leaving the “rat race”, but doing everything (and I mean everything) that she can to stay afloat financially, on a daily basis. It’s difficult to balance the two and can be a constant battle. Today, I’ve learned the hard way; that I’ve apparently been working harder, not smarter. Yes, I’m sure that we’ve all have done it, but today put things in a totally new perspective for me.

As, some of you may know, I was supposed to appear on the CBS “Early Show” as a model for a fashion segment. Well, I was pumped, ready and very serious about the opportunity. Now, for those of you who don’t know me, I consider myself a dependable person. If I tell you that I’m going to do something or agree to do it, than I follow through and get it done. However, in certain circumstances, you agree to something and have to recall that agreement but you let the person know in advance. You don’t bail on them, be inconsiderate of their time and just let the other shoe drop without giving notice. You make it your duty to follow through. I like to think of myself as a woman who keeps her word.

Well, in a nut shell, I woke up too late to do the segment and had to be replaced with another model. I felt horrible!!!!! I’d definitely given the wrong impression. Trust me; I’ve been beating myself up about it all day. At 6:15am, after a sudden awakening from my bed, I promptly called to apologize and check in to see if they still needed me. I felt as if my world had crumbled all around me. I was unreliable and I couldn’t do anything to fix it.

But, after blaming myself for hours and hours, I’ve realized that I am my own worst enemy. I woke up late due to lack of rest, getting like 3 to 4 hrs of sleep each day, but working a minimum of 10 to 15hrs per day. It’s logical; my body was going to shut down. I’d just wished that it had shut down after I’d appeared on CBS but that’s not how it works. Waking up late for that gig was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I kept thinking, what if I’d got hired for an important writing gig, or had a meeting with a potential client that could have changed my career for the best? I would have certainly sabotaged a chance at something I really wanted due to my negligence, lack of rest, and just not taking care of me. It was truly a blessing in disguise.

Today has opened my eyes. I had to learn the hard way to really find out, but that’s life (and GOD). It will throw you a curve ball to get your full attention. I know that now, more than ever. I must adjust my lifestyle and work schedule to be smarter with my GRIND. I have to get rid of the things in my life that are not helping me and tweak my focus on where I want to be in my career and in life. I must network, create relationships, always make some time for “me” and most of all treat my body to something as simple as sleep; real sleep for more than 3 to 4hrs per day. In the end, what’s it all worth, if you can not even wake up on time to make “it” happen. Please learn from my mistakes…I have.

What are you doing to work smarter these days?

Fabulous Sales Coming up at Ideeli.com (Sample Sale Shopping Just Got So Much Easier!)

2009-04-14T18:02:00.012-04:00

Hey, I know that we are in a recession and most of us are pinching our coins. However, some of us (you) are still secretly shopping these days looking for bargains, whether it's on land or online. So, I want to reveal sample sales "Best Kept Secret"...

For those of you who don't know, sample sale shopping just got sophisticated. No more waiting in long lines, no more cash only policies, and no more diving over several other fashionistas just to grab (or snatch up) the last pair of unforgettable all black Gucci frames.

Finally, a breadth of fresh air in the sample sale world. Let me to introduce you to ideeli; the first invitation-only shopping community. Where daily online events are created to provide members with the ideal shopping experience: privileged access to the top brands and experiences, often at prices up to 80% off. Recent sales have featured brands like Oscar de La Renta, Christian Lacroix, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Balenciaga, D&G and much, much more.

It's certainly a shopping treat online. Check out what's in store for this week:

Cosabella; feminine, flirty, sexy and modern Italian lingerie
Sales starts Wednesday, 4/15
Up to 44% off
Prices start at just $48

Lambertson Truex, signature bags made with fine leathers, exotic skins, and quality hardware
Sales Starts Thursday, 4/16
Up to 67% off
Prices start at $98

By the way, they also have the most fabulous giveaway events. For those of you who are interested and would like to join, please use this invite URL: www.ideeli.com/invite/missjoi

XOXO,

Miss Joi

When It Rains, It Pours…

2009-04-06T19:06:00.005-04:00

I checked my blog recently and suddenly realized that I’d let an entire month pass by without posting another exciting, interesting, or even mind boggling story. Actually, that’s not a stretch for me since I let the entire year of 2007 fly by without writing even a line on THE GRIND. Hey, what can I say? 2007 was a huge transitional year for me where I always used the famous excuse, “It must be writer’s block.” Hence, here we are; 2009 and no post(s) for March. I assure you, I let my problems in life get me down so low that it paralyzed my drive to write. It happens sometimes and that same parlayed feeling came over me in 2007. But I’ve turned a new leaf and as each day passes, I work on making myself a better person, a better writer/blogger, and even a better woman. Therefore, I will gradually ease into loading more stories in a faster and more efficient time span.

Over the past few years, I’ve received a tremendous amount of feedback since the blog was born circa 2005. Some advice good, some bad, some very ugly; but I take it all in and soak it up like a giant sponge. Even if it’s bad, at least someone is talking about the blog and/or me. Many will say, “Joi, I read your blog. It’s funny and entertaining.” Others will say, “I’ve been reading your blog and it’s so real.” And then some will even say, “I read your blog; I wish that I had your life. I want to whisk away to LA on a minute's notice.” I smile with every comment and give myself an imaginary pat on the back, if I can help or teach one person from my sick, twisted, and inspiring journey in life then that’s what matters to me.

But let me explain something, perception is everything, sometimes. It can even seems like reality in some cases. Yes, I did whisk away to LA to visit Bruce Wayne (on business and on extremely short notice).Yes, I did have the most exciting, most memorable trip to Barcelona and Ibiza this past summer. Yes, I am very blessed and have had the most amazing opportunities thrown my way (or I created them myself). However, maybe I’m not real enough on this blog I call, THE GRIND. Maybe I have not shown you that I work hard, long hours most days and get little sleep other days. Maybe I have not been raw enough. Maybe I have not explained to you that I just dished out $100 to a plumber so that he could fix a serious 4 month or more leak from my bathroom toilet knowing that same $100 was definitely my grocery money. Hey, I’m a writer by choice, intern by day, waitress/bartender by night. I’m sure you can understand my need to count and pinch every penny in my sad bank account, especially in these times.

I remember one day last week, returning phone calls and speaking with several of my friends, and even my mother. I felt like I was talking to the same person with a different name. Everyone sounded as if life had gotten the best of them. Their spirits were broken. All of them had confided in me and I noticed that they (my friends) were just as bad off as I am, especially in these times. It hurt me more that I’m not in a position to help them. Hell, I can barely help myself. I came to the realization that just when you think that you’ve got it bad, someone is always in a worse situation than you. I always thought that was a joke, until I witnessed it for myself on that day. I aim to stay in a positive mind set while continuing to grow through it all. My cousin, Miss Lawyergirl said to me that she’s tired of hearing all of the positive mumbo-jumbo. She proclaims herself as a realist; someone who has the disposition to face the facts and to deal with them pratically. Hey, I’m a realist too. It’s essential to be one, especially in these times. But don’t we all agree that optimism is much sexier then cynicism?

“To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.” –Eckhart Tolle, best-selling author of the book, The Power of Now.

Prototype

2009-02-21T17:52:00.016-05:00

This Saturday morning, I’d awaken to a man telling me over Blackberry Instant Messenger that I am a “Prototype for why niggas act like niggas sometimes.”

Well, to say the least it certainly helped me to pop out of my bed feeling perplexed. How do you respond to a statement like that; a statement so rash, so abrasive, and so untactful? All that I could think of was how I did not want to start my morning filled with the drama of responding to a man that sounded like he had his morning coffee with a side of bitter & broken ego. Then again, I never heard the words come out of his mouth; therefore, I was not sure if I should be offended or a bit intrigued by this shady IM message. Well, I went with offended and confused. It fits me better (wink, wink). But I definitely wanted to know where this comment stemmed from since the original IM exchange was about his friend’s inquires about me; not his own issues with what type of woman I am in his eyes. Needless to say, it came out of no where based on the initial topic of conversation.

Before I continue along with the story, let me be fair and give you some background information. I don’t want to paint this man out to be a jerk aka asshole, just because he felt the need to say that I am a “Prototype” for anything. He was just merely expressing his feelings. I’ve already come to the conclusion (before this post was written), that he just isn’t the man for me in an intimate capacity, and that’s totally fine. Don’t worry, I’m not going to cry or slit my wrist due to a situation that ends unhappy or as a cliff hanger. I learn more about myself from all of it.

I’ll keep the backgrounder short and sweet. This man and I had only established a business rapport with one another until we had an early morning breakfast almost two months ago. It was cool. We ate, we talked, we bonded which led to an exchange of numbers, emails, and IM names. At breakfast, he confessed that he was attracted to me and I grew fond of him after several interactions of witty banter and interesting discussions via phone and IM messages. He was sweet, laid-back, smart and real. His aura gave off the most honest energy but it was positive. In a nut shell, he asked me out and we confirmed a day. Unfortunately, I cancelled due to an impromptu business trip to LA to meet with Bruce Wayne (see Picture Perfect; My LA Trip post from January 27th). After my return to NYC, we still continued to talk daily but I didn’t commit to go out with him again. Yes, it was unconscious but I take full responsibility for not being aggressive with rescheduling another outing. Hey, I was still happy with just talking to him and learning about one another. The daily talks began to slow down and when I would check in on him, something seemed off. In the end, he expressed to me that he will loose interest in a woman if “the situation just stands still”. I told him that I completely understand and could respect his honesty and his decision. In my mind, the witty chatter was over and we would go back to the business rapport that was there in the beginning. There was certainly no love lost.

So, as you can see our personal relationship ended on a considerate note. I hope now you can understand where my confusion came from: 1.) I did not expect for him to contact me again (on a personal level) 2.) Why would he say such a hasty statement about me?

Well, we talked over the phone later on so that he could further explain himself to clear things up. It was basically the same thing that he’s told me before. He lost interest, I was giving him the run-around, he’s not the type of man who does a mouse and cat chase with women, and he basically couldn’t understand the point of us since I didn’t give him more time. However, he did sincerely apologize for saying or typing that I was the “Prototype for why niggas act like niggas sometimes.” Hey, people say what they mean, so I feel that's how he really thinks of me, as the “Prototype.” The chick that plays it cool, doesn’t act as expected and doesn’t baby the male ego as she should; the woman who’s untraditional and won’t conform easily. As a result, she is the excuse of why men act out. Please, give me a break!

I stressed to him that the comment was offensive, untactful and inappropriate. But of course, there’s no love lost. I was never angry with his decision. Hell, he chose his choice and he should stand by it; not call me out because I didn’t stroke his ego enough while massaging his dick. Yes, the language is dirty this time around but you get my point, right?

I also told him that I’m in a stage of my life where I am the woman who does NOT want a “fuck buddy” or a “boyfriend”. I’m still figuring it all out. So, should I be punished for my indecisiveness and called a “Prototype for why niggas act like niggas sometimes?” Yes, we’re adults here and I know that there really is no happy medium between a “fuck buddy” and “boyfriend”. But I will not be rushed into any situation or called names. Our conversation ended awkwardly as he had to run to meet his friends for lunch and at the same time, I was still speechless from the drama that had occurred. It was still sinking in. We said our good byes and hung up the phone with no real conclusion. But I want to you all to know that I’m one of a kind and not a “Prototype” for niggas who don’t act accordingly or anything else. Men decide to act like niggas sometimes, because THEY CHOSE to act that way. The responsibility is on them, not due to any other woman, or me, or me as a “Prototype” and vice versa. You are responsible for your own actions.

So, I guess I will end this one with several questions to him (the one that called me a “Prototype”) and everyone else who has read this post; “What happened to just getting to know each other (without all of the sex and intimate pressure)?” “What happened to establishing a friendship and/or a relationship with substance?” “What are we rushing for?”

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section. I’d love to hear ‘em. Thanks for your support!

Miss Joi aka “The Ultimate and One-of-a-kind Prototype”

Did she really call me, Joey?

2009-01-30T14:44:00.007-05:00

The Email Proposition
Some of you may know and some of you may not know, so I’m telling you now. I was asked by my lovely, fabulous cousin-in-law to appear as a model on the Today Show for the Winter Sale segment this past Wednesday, January 28th to be exact. Yes, I know. I do have family in high places. My, cousin-in-law, well we’ll call her Mrs. Fabulous is the Vice President of Corporate Communications at Bauer Publishing Group. Yes, I know. I definitely should be begging her for a job right now. But that is beside the point, I felt obliged to accept the opportunity since she was in dyer need. Hell, I wasn’t doing much of anything when she sent the “I really need your help” email on Monday afternoon. So, I rushed down to the meat packing district for a quick fitting with the stylist/editor who was running the show as far as the fashion was concerned.

The “Totally Hot” Green Room
By Wednesday morning, I was all set. Ready for my five minutes of fame! I arrived promptly at NBC studios by 7:15am, where I was directed to a green room on the ground level. It was awesome! There was food, food and more food. As well as loads of bottled water, hot water for coffee and tea with any condiment your heart desired. Look, I know how to conduct myself in these situations. I’ve assisted on a few photo shoots in my day with the same kind of spread. But something about this particular green room seemed so exciting. Maybe it was due to the fact that I got a glimpse of the behind the scenes stuff as if I were the “star”. I peeked in on Martha Stewart getting her hair done; witnessed Julianne Moore’s fitting for her segment, and even met eyes with Kevin Connolly (Eric) of HBO’s show, Entourage. Entourage it’s one of my favorite cable shows, so I definitely felt the urge to hug him when he entered the room. Yes, hugging him would have been bizarre. I just smiled and said “hi” instead.

My Five Minutes of Fame
The best part of my day was being on set observing the producers, camera men and anchors do their responsible duties. Al Roker even said “hello” to me and the other model in passing. The entire experience was fantastic. Now, it was my turn. The camera was slowly panning toward me on the set. My heart began to pound faster and faster; harder and harder. I was ready! This was my time to shine! I was determined to be the best writer turned TV model on the Today Show! I wanted to do it for my family and friends! I wanted to do it for the audience at home! I wanted to do it for all the normal people “like myself” who only had one chance to make an impression on television! Head up, hands in coat pockets and smile for the camera is what I told myself.

But all I can remember was the anchorwoman saying, “Let’s show our model Joey over here…” Everything else was a blur.

Your Thoughts
Please check out the segment for yourself and tell me your thoughts in the comment section. Let's keep it honest. I was only able to load a portion of it due to video file size requirements on blogger. However, if you want to see the full segment, click the link below.

The writer (and model) you know and love,

Miss Joi

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/28893176#28893176

Picture Perfect; My LA Trip

2009-01-27T19:09:00.012-05:00

I’d awaken from a well rested night in dream land but something was off. Black satin cap. Check. H&M Spaghetti strap chemise. Check. Black cotton short, shorts. Check. Bath & Body Works lounge socks. Check. I threw them off in my sleep, so they were comfortably nestled on the hardwood floor. Check. Check. Check. Yes, everything is still here. Check. So, why did I feel uneasy and slightly out of place today?

I wiped my tired eyes one last time. There I was; soft bed, tall windows with a warm, bright rays of sunlight easing its way through the blinds. For the very first time I was not cold. Oh, yeah. That’s it. I was in Cali, LA to be exact. No artic, windy weather, no uninvited mornings filled with hot green tea, no groggy mode, no negativity and no overcast skies frowning down on me. The vibe was totally opposite from New York. It felt almost surreal.

I was in a city where it can get as high as 80 degrees in January. There was a bonus. The first Black President was being sworn in on the National Mall in Washington, DC today. Things could not get any better!

After my friend, Mr. McD or more appropriately I should call him, Bruce Wayne (he knows what I mean) and I wiped away the sleepiness, we prepared to watch the swearing in ceremony on CNN.com’s live broadcast. It was awesome! I cried tears of joy. Bruce Wayne even recorded Obama’s speech on his sleek, little Mac. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a remixed version of the speech with my voice saying, “How do you make this bigger again?” over Obama’s voice. I can only imagine what you may think I was referring to. Take your mind out of the gutter; I was talking about the screen.

I boarded the plane on inauguration day, filled with butterflies in my stomach and wonderful memories of my two nights/three day LA business trip. I was sad to see it go; perfect weather, excellent food, beautiful people. Still, I was extremely uneasy about my overall feeling for the city, but I did know that I adored the weather.

Aside from the ideal weather, I had the opportunity to drop in on some ideal places. Here’s a glimpse of where I stopped:

-Private night tour of Media Concepts in Burbank, CA. This studio has a remarkable facility built for post production in video and music. The rooms are fully prepared with up-to-date technology that includes mixing and dubbing equipment. Media Concepts doesn’t just stop there. The studio also provides clients with a signature theatrical editing room, built as a real-life movie theater, with an enormous projector, surround sound, and two person mixing console. Future film makers check out the website, http://www.mediaconcepts.net/ The location is definitely exquisite.
-Quick bite to eat at Big Wangs located somewhere in Hollywood. It’s your ultimate sports bar with flat screens on every wall and a pool table. The Salmon wrap was scrumptious!
Mingling and drinks at Bar Marmont, snuggled beside the tasteful, well-known, boutique hotel, Chateau Marmount in West Hollywood. The butterflies hanging from the ceiling will totally freak you out.
-Window shopping at Nordstrom, Apple store, and Barney’s Co-Op in The Grove Mall. We’re in a recession, purchasing was not on the agenda.
Delicious Margherita Pizza at Pitfire Pizza. They have three locations, so don’t ask me which one I actually dinned in. I have an excuse, I was visiting.
-Leather sofa shopping at Restoration Hardware in Sherman Oaks Fashion Square Mall. Hey, someone has to do it!
-Dinner at the ultra sexy Firefly in Studio City, CA. Extremely laid back atmosphere, romantic lightening, entertaining music and succulent cuisine.
-Lunch at Porto’s Cuban Bakery & Café, a family-owned bakery and café with fresh, fresh, fresh food. I actually had the Tuna on a croissant. I never eat tuna from any establishment. That’s a compliment!
-Back to LAX Airport

I know what you’re thinking after reading my where-abouts in LA, “Well, Joi. Did you do any damn work?” My answer to that question is, “Certainly, but I’ll keep that between me and Bruce Wayne.” (wink, wink)

A New New Year!!!

2009-01-23T14:09:00.009-05:00

Hola, Feliz Ano Nuevo!!! That’s about all of the espanol you will get from me for the year (smile). Welcome to 2009! A new, new, year where anything can happen; a new year where we have our first Black (African-American) President, a new year where more people my age are actually watching CNN just as regularly as your typical, trashy reality show, and a new year where I’ve began to detox myself form alcohol for a minimum of six months. Yes, I said it! I’m going sober cold-turkey style.

Trust me; it’s not as hard as it looks.

One recent Friday night my manager, The Brit, asked me, “Joi, did you make any resolutions for this year?”

I responded in your typical annoyed but care-free “just leave me alone and let me do my job” voice, “No, I never make new year’s resolutions.”

Of course, he had a raised brow and seemed intrigued as to why I don’t practice this New Year’s ritual that’s been going around for ions. The Brit asked, “Why?”

I took a deep breath hoping that one of my tables would call me over to take an order for another extravagant cocktail or grilled cheese sandwich, so the misery of this conversation could end, abruptly. But I was stuck. Still in my annoyed state, I replied “The word resolution sounds so unstable and temporary. I set goals each year and work towards accomplishing each one. Goals, that word is just more permanent to me.” That’s when I revealed to him that I decided to lay of the liquor for six months. The Brit was amazed that I made such a mature commitment. You would have thought that I told him I decided to save my virginity until to marriage the way his eyes popped out of his head. In his own little British way, I believe that he was proud of me. Yet, I was utterly bothered by him.

With that said, readers I encourage you to set your goals, resolutions, rituals, or whatever you name them to the tenth power, write them down, and work hard (and smart) towards making them happen for you. Hey, if the son of a black man from Kenya and a white woman from Kansas can run for President of the United States and win on his first try, than you can make all of your goals a reality too. Just stick to it and stay determined!

I’ve been alcohol free for about 20 days now and I even wrote a new post for my blog to start of this wonderful new, new, year. Yeah, I know it’s late but I’m working on getting these entertaining posts to you in a timelier manner. I’ll admit it, that’s one of my many new goals for 2009. So, what are yours?

Let’s make it happen!!!

Oh, Barcelona: Where the Men Are Yummy and the Architecture Is Breathtaking

2008-09-16T18:50:00.050-04:00

It seems like a decade has gone by since my wonderful trip to Barcelona, the capital of Spain, located right on the Mediterranean coast. I threw in going to Ibiza for good measure, beautiful beaches, and some additional, over-the-top party time. Ibiza is an island 80km from Spain, so roughly an hour plane ride, directly in the Mediterranean Sea. Although, my trip was not a decade ago, it went quickly. My journey for “the unexpected” kicked off on the evening of August 26th. I had to meet my friend, Miss ST at JFK Airport. Well, here is where the fun began…

I’m not great with getting to places on time with the exception of the airport, the annual Dolce & Gabbana sample sale in November and work (occasionally). However, I am a stickler for being at airport in a timely manner. Trust, it’s a royal pain in the ass to miss a flight, especially an international flight. You would think that I got to JFK at least an hour before my plane would pull off. Negative. I appeared 35 minutes before take off with an arsenal of luggage. I approached the red cap services outside with a clam and delightful attitude. I took out my passport with the hideous picture and itinerary.

“Hi, I’m here for the 7pm flight to Barcelona,” I said with a smile.

“Oh, you’re going to Barcelona, let me get you checked in,” Mr. Red Cap replied.

By the end of our conversation, Mr. Red Cap informed me that I could not check in my very heavy luggage since it was 30 minutes before the flight, but I could still catch the plane with me and my carry on.

My mind was racing as I only had about 2 minutes to make a decision. My friend who drove me to the airport encouraged me to get on the plane. He offered to ship my suitcase to the hotel.

I got my ticket and raced to the gate. Miss ST was waiting for me as I had told her all of the details on my friend’s cell phone while checking in to get a ticket. Yes!!! I was happy that I’d made it to Spain. But, I had no cell phone (lost it a few weeks before the trip…very long story) and no clothes. Hey, a trip isn’t a trip if you don’t have some exciting stories to tell when you return. This vacation was starting off lovely for me (I meant that in a sarcastic way…haha).

I’m sure that you don’t want to read a long, boring, blog post about Spain. If you can get out of the country, I would certainly recommend an escape to Barcelona and Ibiza if you can squeeze in an island for a totally different vibe. Honestly, I prefer Barcelona. I’m a city girl at heart. It’s a huge city with a lot of flavor.

So, here are Joi’s rules for a great trip in Barcelona and Ibiza:

Rule #1: You have to do a tour or two. Barcelona is a city filled with fruitful and detailed architectural design. There are historic buildings everywhere that are preserved and still used today.

First, we went on a city on and off bus tour. Yes, with the double decker buses. You can take fabulous photos and get on and off the bus as you please. In addition, we did another tour from Catalunya Bus Turistic Company to Torres Wine Vineyard, Montserrat, and Sitges.
-Torres is a family owned business the produces and distributes wine throughout Spain.
-Montserrat is a mountain 40km from Barcelona, where a thousand-year-old benedictine monastery is housed. Monks live in this area. It’s like a mini town on top of the mountains. The view is spectacular.
-Sitges is 20 minutes outside of Barcelona. Known for it’s inheritances to the “americanos”. It has a rich architectural heritage with gorgeous mansions that were converted into hotels.

Warning: The tour was from 8am-5pm.You can imagine how we felt the morning of the tour after a night of clubbing, but it was worth it.

Rule #2: You got to go to the beach! Ok, so we were a little lazy on this tip and I had no clothes for part of my trip. We only went to one beach in Barceloneta. Note: Just ignore the beach vendors selling trinkets.

Ibiza: We went to the beach everyday in Playa d’en Bossa. We got a free beach bed, free drinks and free ice cream. Now, that’s what I call a successful day at the beach.

Rule #3: Don’t get henna tattoos on the beaches in Barcelona!!!!! I broke out into a rash and so did Miss ST.

Rule #4: You got to eat at some cool spots. I had two favorite places:
-Morelia Restaurant, great wine, great pasta, and great salad. All of the food was fresh.
-Shoko Restaurant, http://www.shoko.biz/, it’s a beach front place with tasty mojitos, trendy atmosphere, good-looking men (staff and customers), and delicious East Asian cuisine.

Rule #5: You got to go shopping. Yes, I know that our country is in a recession and as a result the Dollar to the Euro sucks right now. But break out your piggy bank and try to shop, shop, and shop. I would suggest shopping at stores that are not in the US. I purchased a chic coat from Desigual, http://www.desigual.com/ (the “S” in this is actually faces backwards on the logo). The designers for this brand use vivid colors, prints and the fit is amazing. This is definitely my favorite store in Spain.

Rule #6: You got to hit the club scene. Yeah, I partied hard in Barcelona and Ibiza. I did realize that the club circuit is very small in Barcelona. Certain men that I met during my trip, I saw more than once thanks to the club scene. From Biki in Barcelona to Pacha in Ibiza, it was awesome! We found venues that played hip-hop which made my day.
Bonus: If you want to start the party early than go to Bora Bora in Ibiza. It’s like a daytime party on the beach. It felt similar to Wet Willies in Miami.
Rule #7: You got to stay in a comfortable place. Whether you’re staying at a friend’s house or in a hotel, just make sure that you are happy and relaxed where you sleep.We stayed at the Grand Hotel Central,http://www.grandhotelcentr al.com/ near Las Ramblas. It had complementary breakfast, free business center, rooftop pool, soft beds and an attractive male staff. Oh, and did I mention a rooftop pool with a view of the city. What more could you want?

Ibiza: We stayed at the Palladium Palace Ibiza Resort, http://www.fiestahotelgroup.com/. This place is more of a family resort. I actually enjoyed the experience. The meals were included and it was right on the beach. Be careful: the beds are hard. But you get to drink free alcohol all day.

Rule #8: Last but not least, you got to meet new people. Hey, you’re on vacation. So got out there and mingle! Miss ST and I had the ball in our court. Honestly, there are no Black people out there, especially sistas. We were rare. Trust, you are more noticeable when you are different from everyone else and we played it to our advantage. Most of all, we had fun!!!
I met some cool and beautiful people while visiting Spain. I partied with some, had dinner with some and even exchanged some email addresses along the way. My new friend, Carlos (aka Carlito or Los) whom I later discovered is Latin American, a model and a soccer (futbol) player living in Barcelona. We had a brief encounter on my first night in Barcelona at Club Biki. Maybe it was his big, brown eyes, maybe it was just my excitement to be in Spain, but there’s a mesmerizing energy from men who live overseas. I ran into him a few times on the club scene. Another example would be Sarah and Miguel, a couple from London who were fun, spontaneous, and down-to-earth that I met on the magnificent beach in Ibiza.

I became acquainted with many people from places like Switzerland to Florence to Holland to Liverpool. Best of all, everyone had great things to say about Presidential Candidate, Senator Obama once they discovered that I was from the US. Go Obama!!!

Barcelona and Ibiza, What else can I say? I’m ready to go back, so call me when you book the plane tickets (wink, wink).

No Man Hater Here

2008-08-12T01:40:00.010-04:00

A friend defined my blog in three words: “man hater site”. I was slightly offended. Hell, that’s just as bad as someone calling me a BBW-Bitter Black Woman, and I not one of those. Yet, I giggle as I repeat his quote back to myself. I believe that he certainly meant it as enduring since he tried to clean it up after I told him what I am about to tell you.

Let’s clear this up now, just in case you’re confused as well. This blog is not, by any means, not a man hater site. It was created as a tool to show my personal side as far as writing that ranges from my journey headed for entrepreneurship to eating at my favorite Thai food restaurant, Spice (199 8th Ave, btw 19th & 20th st).

I love men, in all flavors. I love everything about them; they way they smell, the way they think, the way they cause me to obsess and write about them. I’ve learned a vast amount of knowledge about myself and life’s experiences through the men that have touched my spirit (good or bad). I’m thankful for those experiences. I will never regret the ride. Therefore, when publish a post talking about any man, it is written to show what I’ve gained from the person and/or situation, not to slander someone’s reputation. That’s also the reason for code names instead of the real thing. Keeping the subject in mind and respecting the privacy of others.

Thank you all for the support and feedback!

Always,

Miss “I’m not a man hater” Joi

Restless...

2008-08-10T23:49:00.005-04:00

I was coming home from work at around 5am when one of my customers spotted me on the train. We exchanged “Hello” and took our seats on the train. I had a book in hand ready to delve into the pages; however, I did not want to seem rude. The conversation began with the highlights from the previous night. I informed him that my night was very slow as far as work. He told me that he went to a birthday party at club Mansion. He mentioned that he “hated the club” but his friend’s birthday was there and he wanted to come out and support. Next, the discussion switched to careers and past work experience.

So, here’s my dilemma: I mentally cringe inside when someone inquires about what I do as far as a career and what I’m currently working on as far as projects. Why? I’m sure you’re asking as you continue to read this post. Well, I am a writer. But no one and I mean no one is content with the response, “Oh, I’m a writer” showing a smile and changing the subject. No, that’s never enough. The follow up question to that answer is “Well, what do you write?” This is where its gets tricky. People define you by what you do. Hell, I’m sure they even unconsciously judge you by your choice of work. At this point, I get nervous and think to myself, “Shit. What do I write? What am I doing with myself? Where is my career going?” I’m still searching to categorize myself as a _______writer. Therefore, I really can not give the person inquiring a solid answer. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m still trying to find my own niche. The most painful part of it all is what if I never find it and I’m still Restless…Restless with my half-baked, half-full career. I feel as if my GRIND to entrepreneurship has made a complete stop. I’m not sure where to go next.

My customer, as usual, asked me the same notorious question. The question that has me tongue-tied about my career.

“What do you write?” he said.

“Well, I’m qualified in a few areas but my expertise was in public relations. But, I’m not sure if I want to do that anymore. I don’t know,” I said unhappily while shrugging my shoulders.

The conversation continued about my educational background, past jobs, editorial magazines, and a few more sentences that ended with me saying, “I don’t know.”

Then he said, “How long have you been out of school?”

“Long enough,” I quickly commented.

“And your still saying ‘I don’t know’,” he brought to my attention.

“Well, yeah because I don’t know. What else should I say? I’m still sorting it all out.” I said.

I was relieved that we finally stopped talking about me and focused on his career and life experiences. I learned that he is in finance, went to college in Chicago, finished his senior year in Greece to study internationally, worked for Lehman Brothers up until last week, and has now taken a new position as VP at some bank. In addition, he is supporting his 21 year-old sister who will be going to college in Chicago as well.

I had to admit that I was impressed. He definitely sounded like he had it all figured out. He was confident but not arrogant at all. His story was motivating.

The train stopped and the doors opened.

“Is this your stop?” he said.

“Yes, it is.” I got up said my “good-byes” and bolted for the steps to get ahead in the cab line. I knew that I could only blame myself if I truly fail as a writer. I guess feeling Restless got one good thing out of me. It got me to write this post for my blog and I am happy that I decided to do it.

Food For Thought: Have you ever felt restless about your career? What did you do about it? How did you overcome it?

I welcome your comments as I am sure that they will inspire me. So, please don’t forget to type your opinions in the comment section.

What Women Want (Better yet, what do men want?)

2008-08-09T20:36:00.005-04:00

(When I asked a friend of a friend what did he want from a woman, he told me that he wanted a person who could accept that he was a sports fanatic. I thought he was extreme but he was honest. Later on, I inquired if he’d seen that movie starring Drew Barrymore that had the same type of plot.)

“Joi, do you want a man that holds your hand or a man that pulls your hair? I mean (pause), just let me know”

I raised my right eyebrow feeling perplexed, uneasy, “Hmmm, well, I want both. There’s a time for both.”

Happy with my response I proceeded to do my closing waitress duties; counting money and paperwork. However, after Wesley asked me that question, I could not get the idea out of my head. It bothered me for weeks and weeks.

Several months later…

I was on the phone with a close friend. Many people say that we are twins, except she has more tits and ass, so she’s more like a sister, aesthetically anyway. During our girl talk, I say, “Where are all the fine (meaning attractive), successful, faithful, black men? Do they exist?”

While the question rolled smoothly from my tongue, I figured that you can take race out of the equation and the same question is still relevant, which is “where are they?”)

“Yeah, they do exist but they’re all whores,” She rebuttals with a laugh.

“That can’t be true,” I respond.

A light bulb went off in my brain as I woke up the next day. I quickly grabbed my cell and began texting my twin. I desperately wanted to show her that she was incorrect and being pessimistic.

I type, “I could not sleep last night about what you said. Fine, successful black men do exist and I can name two of them. #1 was cute, successful, 40, divorced. We went out a couple of times but he said that he did not want to ruin me.”

She types back, “Ok, so he’s probably a whore.”

“#2, was the same, younger but he was the one that I told you about that saw me leave the party with the bartender and assumed the worst.”

She responds via text, “He’s an idiot.”

I chuckled to myself as I read my twin’s reply and part of me wanted to agree with her. But I did prove that these men do exist even if they came equipped with flaws. But both, Bachelor #1 (AKA Mr. CB, see post “The Unattainable” for more info on him) and Bachelor #2 were certainly the type of men who could pull my hair behind closed doors (if I wanted) and hold my hand in public, reassuring me that we were a “sure thing” for the time that I was out with them. As my feelings floated back to the past, both of them did enjoy PDA (Public Display of Affection) more than I did.

There’s no real solution to what women want. We all want very different things. When we are single it may seem that we’ll never find what we want or what we think we want or what other’s want for us as far as the opposite sex. Sometimes, we’re picky, never satisfied, and feel that the next best thing is just around the corner (so we leave our options open).

Oh! Wait. Was that description a more suitable definition of single men?

No matter the gender, what we don’t realize is that that “best thing” may be starring us right in the face. But we overlook it.

Maybe, the hunt for true love should take on the same methods as applying for a job, freelance gig or even finding the perfect shoes.

-Look at the criteria/guidelines
-Highlight all talents and previous experience (which includes being candid)
-Just roll the dice and take a chance

I know that we all (men and women) want someone that we can get along with. That’s just half the battle.

Really, what do you want? Can you find everything that you want in one person?

Hurricane J...

2008-07-29T02:13:00.004-04:00

I was watching the news report on CNN last Wednesday with non-stop coverage on Hurricane Dolly. This is most recent hurricane disaster on the market to date. Apparently, this brutal monster has wiped out South Padre, Texas leaving houses, businesses and other property in disarray. The coverage made me nostalgic remembering the awful damage Hurricane Katrina did to New Orleans just over three years ago.

It made me wonder. Why are treacherous hurricanes named as females? Is this how society sublimely viewed woman as hurricanes that will stop at nothing to destroy, cause unforgettable pain, and inflict permanent harm to its environment? Yeah, I know. You’re reading this and thinking; Joi, this idea is far fetched. But, I think that it makes perfect sense.

I could not get the thought out of my head. The idea bothered me for days. If this coded message was indeed true than how many men from my past relationships saw me as a hurricane or natural disaster that ruined their emotional well-being? How many ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, and ex-“I’m not sure what to define him as” cringe at the thought of me coming into their lives and wiping out everything that they were used to (comfortable with) from under them? How many hearts did I crush? How many hopes did I turn into disappointments?

I could name a few. Sad, really as I think about it.

Well if I were a hurricane, what Category would I be? For example would I be Category One; where the emotional damage is only minimal. On the other hand, was I considered a Category Five where the damage is very severe, more like catastrophic?

Thinking about Hurricanes led my thoughts to a conversation that I had with Mr. N a few months ago. He asked, “Joi, why are women conniving and deceiving?”

Grasping for air, I was not sure how I should respond. I felt like he was taking all women and putting them into a box and generalizing them into the two categories: “conniving and deceiving”. Hurricane scale; definitely Category Four or Five.

“Hello, not all women are conniving and deceiving. Men can be the same way.” I said

“No, men lie, maybe cheat and try to lie about it. But that’s about it.” Mr. N responded.

“What do you mean? Define conniving and deceiving?” I asked.

“Women will say things like ‘this is your baby’, with a straight face,” Mr. N said.

I guess meaning that women will certainly have a man thinking on thing, while knowing that it’s totally untrue.

My mouth dropped. I was shocked. He was right. I agreed but I didn’t want him to know it.

So, maybe women (not all but some) can be “conniving and deceiving” as Mr. N would put it. And maybe some women are Hurricanes that want to run rapid, be free and deal with a strong man who can handle all of it, even tame them.

My question is: “If you were a Hurricane, what would you be named and what category would you be?”

The Unattainable

2008-05-09T15:18:00.004-04:00

As I sit back and reflect on that night at the bar of feeling like Carrie Bradshaw observing “Mr. Big” mingling with a couple of females, I just smirk in relief. “Well, at least I didn’t fuck him.”

There he was; gorgeous, laughing, smiling, and having the time of his life. The chemistry was totally there. I’d only been observing Mr. CB, my girlfriend and her friend at the bar for 5 minutes or less. But it seemed that Mr. CB grew smitten my girlfriend’s friend in a matter of seconds. By the end of my shift, I was on the phone venting to a friend about the entire situation. Why did Mr. CB have to come on my turf to pick up new prospects?

I must define the history between me and Mr. CB before I continue the story.

He and I went out on a couple of dates. Honestly, they were all fabulous. We get along. He fit the typical profile of what I enjoy about men. He’s charming, sensible, honest, successful, older (in his 40’s), handsome, educated, and extremely unattainable. Did I mention, extremely unattainable? Mr. CB is divorced and after he revealed this to me, I sensed that he was definitely enjoying his newly found single life. Believe me; I witnessed him enjoying the “single life” every time he brought a different woman into the bar where I work. But that never bothered me and I never judged him. I was intrigued. Unfortunately, Mr. CB’s exit was surprisingly abrupt. I thought I’d played all of my cards right with this one. He performed the typical stop calling and texting with no explanation move. So, I mentioned his rude, cowardly disappearing act. He was truthful and told me that his feelings were with another woman whom he had a relationship with some years ago. They were trying to decide if they should give it another try. He was compassionate with his explanation. “Joi, you are a gem and I don’t want to ruin that.” I rolled my eyes. I informed Mr. CB that he could have just told me that information instead of disappearing without as much of a good-bye to saver ties, respectfully. I told him that we can be just friends. “Well, Actually I don’t have many platonic female friends,” Mr. CB confessed. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and thought to myself, “I really should be deleting your number after that statement.”

One day, my thoughts were consumed with him. As a result, I decided to check on him and send a friendly text to his cell phone. He never responded. I sent another text message a few weeks later. No response. So when he managed to walk into the bar where I work it felt as if I’d seen a ghost. It was even scarier because I’d just sent him the second text message the night before.

I’ll admit it. I’m still very fond of Mr. CB. However, I’ve managed to keep my distance since it was he who initiated the distance between us. Now that Mr. CB and I do not talk as much compared to when we first met, I find myself thinking about him. I want him even more. Therefore, when I witnessed him conversing with my girlfriend’s friend from the other side of the bar, I was not happy and had decided that he was hitting a little too close to home. His eyes managed to meet mine. I gave him the look of death. Given the chance, my stare probably would have burned a hole through his navy blue sweater. The decent woman in me wanted to believe that he was just talking and entertaining miscellaneous women while he waited for his friends. The territorial woman in me was convinced that he was definitely flirting with my girlfriend’s friend and that they had exchanged phone numbers, business cards, or something to keep in contact with each other. I was disappointed, annoyed, upset.

Upset with myself that I had been fascinated by yet another unattainable man. Upset that he was another unattainable man who would not return my text messages, probably did not want anything exclusive with me, and managed to fall off the face of the earth with no regard of my feelings. Why do I always like the guys who seem so far from my reach? They’re just so aloof and emotionally detached. They were all similar in that way and I certainly attached myself to them-physically and/or emotionally; Mr. Vegas, Mr. Promoter, Mr. Roc-A-Wear, Mr. C, and now, Mr. CB. It’s almost as if I’m dating the same man over and over and over again but with a different name. Actually, the only thing that these men had in common; other then the fact that they could never be hooked into a healthy relationship; was yours truly, me. I really can not blame these men as I choose to deal with them, so I blame myself.

I’ve never enjoyed anything that came to me easily, especially men. But what’s the point of the chase if you’ll never be able to win the prize in the end?

In The Closet (or should I say, Bathroom?)

2008-04-02T15:41:00.005-04:00

My heart was pounding so hard that I believed it would have jumped out of my chest, given the chance.

Babump. Babump. Babump.

It never missed a beat as it thumped harder and harder. Faster and faster. I could feel butterflies dancing inside my empty stomach. My mouth hung wide open like a slanted painting on the wall. The delicate beads of sweat started its race down my back and at this particular moment I saw my reputation flash in front of me. Was it hot? Or was it just my nerves causing the cotton mouth, the wet back, the throbbing heart, the anxiety?

“Man, you’re killing me right now. You know that I don’t wake up this early,” his voice said with uneasiness.

“What, man. You’re the one who told me that I can just drop by anytime today,” another masculine voice replied.

The conversation was so close that I knew my cover would be blown any second. Footsteps crept along the opposite side of the bathroom door. My clammy hands barely held the door shut. Where is a lock when you needed it? My legs were planted in a runner’s stance as I prepared myself for what was about to occur. The voices drowned into the next room. It was now or never. This was my opportunity.

I quietly opened the bathroom door while still trying to hide my identity behind it. My eyes quickly located the exit. I tip-toed toward the front door trying not to make any suspicious noise for my grand exit The unsteady knob blocked any hopes for freedom. I could not let myself out. I was trapped! I turned the knob with more force as if my life depended on it. I was getting out at once and for all single women in New York who have been in similar situations. Bag on shoulder, shoes in hand, and the door swung open. I was free. I turned my body just enough to shut it behind me.

I bolted down the steep steps in socks and disbelief.

“Hi, Happy Easter!” a man said to me as he walked up the steps in confusion.

“Hi, thanks, I’m late for something,” I said while running panicky and trying not to injure myself.

“Well, you’re definitely going to need your shoes before you go outside,” he said.

I laughed and continued my journey out of the cozy, Manhattan building. The sun hit my face and I knew that I was almost safe. I paused on East 51st street to put the rest of my shoes on properly, catch my breath, and clear my head. It all seemed like bad dream or a horrible scene from a chick flick.

Is this what my dating life had succumbed to?

Actually, I don’t even know what the definition of “dating” means these days. Apparently in my world, it included hiding in Mr. C’s bathroom to guarantee my sanity and that his friend/co-worker, Wesley, would not discover us together. Wesley and Mr. C had a fairly close association. I knew that they hung out from time to time, yet was unaware that they chilled at each other’s bachelor pads over the weekends. In addition, Wesley was like an older brother at work to me. We always had fun, witty, and down right candid conversations at work ranging from family to relationships.

I was a coward. I certainly felt like less of a woman. But, I was not prepared to face the awkward, uncomfortable mess that would have occurred had I not leaped for the bathroom head first.

What was I scared of? Was I really ready to let our relationship or whatever it was out of the closet? Was I ready to face the questions, sarcastic jokes, or even the judgmental looks from my peers?

The answer is “No.”

I can hear the comments and visualize their facial expressions coming at him and myself or even between other co-workers without us present.

“So, you and Mr. C? How did that happen?”

“Are you and Mr. C dating?”

“Joi, he’s such a flirt and playa? Why, did you go there?”

“So, how is he in bed?”

“You bagged Joi? Damn!”

“Did you here that Joi and Mr. C are getting it on? When did this happen? How did you find out?”

“I knew that it had to be more to their friendship, especially since they share a cab home after work occasionally.”

Maybe it’s just me basking in my own paranoia. Maybe they don’t even care. However, I’m just not ready to find out.

I can appreciate a man who chooses to make certain things in his life secret. It shows a sign of maturity and mystery. I’m drawn to men who are under the radar. Kiss-N-Tell was never Mr. C’s style. Yes, it is true that he’s strikingly handsome, charismatic, and eccentric. He can make everyone in the room feel good weather it’s with his kind words or with his dreamy, green eyes. But, his most attractive asset is that he keeps his mouth shut and I enjoy that about him.

When I decided to take the risk of an intimate relationship with him, I was sure that “he and I” would only stay between “he and I.” There’s no need for a 3rd and 4th party and he understands that concept. I’ve always been a very private person and Mr. C can relate and respect that about me.

I know that I am not ready to let Mr. C and me out of the closet or even out the bathroom for that matter. I can still see the smirk across his face and hear his tender voice ringing in my ear. “Joi, are you really going to hide in bathroom?”

The Shot

2006-12-01T23:17:00.000-05:00

Men fascinate me sometimes. It’s rare, but they do. They’re just a different type of creature. To sum it up, they (men) think in a more visual yet logical manner compared to women (well sometimes).

Therefore, I was not surprised, maybe a tad bit offended, when my friend/website designer said, “it looks like a cum shot”. He was referring to the white, ink splash on my very glossy, very feminine, very sleek, and very fabulous business card. I sent him a layout of it to ensure that the colors on the card and my website would match, perfectly. Unfortunately, he could not see past the “cum shot” and continued to explain his views about the design and the reasons explaining why I should get rid of it. By the end of his extensive justification, I was slightly shocked and at a loss of words. It was a true “cotton mouth” experience!

Hell, his words stung more painful than a bee. He’d totally convinced me to loose the extra accent which gave the card a more exciting look. I contemplated this madness for weeks. I began staring at my new card, daily. Should I change the design? Will other people agree with him? Can I remove the ink stain and add another graphic? How did he manage to combine the word “cum” and The JRW Group in the same sentence? I mean, I am not the president of a sex shop.

I’d finally come to terms with my problem and promised that I would not tell the graphic designer my friend’s opinion of the ink splash. Besides, I‘m sure that she would probably have a heart attack after that comment, reach through the phone, find my web dude/friend, and snap him in two pieces.

After a very candid conversation with my graphic designer, I stopped second guessing my decision. I’m an entrepreneur. I should go with my gut feeling and stand behind my card, my image, my business. If I do not believe in my business in all aspects, than “who will”?

Thus my new business card was born…

I have 5,000 copies of them to prove it. Today, it (the card) still gets more compliments than my black, satin, Dolce & Gabbana pencil skirt. So, I think that it must leave quite an impression.

I mean every women needs a little “cum” in her life, but certainly not on her business card (unless you’re into the kinky stuff).

Timing & Delivery

2006-08-14T21:06:00.000-04:00

"Have you ever felt like you wanted to say so much to one person? Can you empathize with me? Do you understand?” I expressed while gesturing with my hands.

"Why? Do u have something to say to me? Then you should say it,” said Mr. Vegas while stuffing his face with eggs benedict.

"Nope, you’ll never know. I feel like when I want to express myself, you think that I am being 'emotional' when that's not the case."

Mr. Vegas proceeded after taking another bite from his early morning breakfast, "Well, it's all about timing and delivery."

I pondered for a second and then stated my case.

"Hmmmmm, you're right. I agree with you. It's all in the approach. But you know what? My timing and delivery is always off with men."

We continued to exchange words and frankly I began to zone out. Our conversation had evolved into awkward silence, long gazes, and perplexed expressions of “I wonder what he/she is thinking” at this moment. Well, I desperately wondered what he was thinking and what he was cooking up in his brain to spit out to me next. Besides, I was engulfed in my loaded three-egg omelet, potatoes, wheat toast and fruit. Hey, I needed a full stomach in order to digest what this man had in store for me during our discussion. I was being served a handful counting my elaborate meal and his cold responses that were just as difficult to swallow as the salty potatoes.

His "timing and delivery" song and dance stuck with me for the entire ride home (and I was still inquisitive about why he was in such deep, deep thought). I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs for all of NYC and he to hear, "What in the hell are you thinking about? Is it that serious? If your thoughts concern me, why are you so hesitant to tell me? I am sitting here next to you. Tell me."

I’d told him earlier that evening that he thinks too much and he's going to think himself into the ground (or into emotional/mental illness) one day. Depending on which one took over first. I replayed the “timing and delivery” comment in my head continuously with my eyes closed and hand on his thigh. If my "timing and delivery" is so out of whack with him and every other man in the universe, then what will become of me as an entrepreneur, a writer, and a publicist?

Playing these three roles, your "timing and delivery" should be on point at least 98.9% of the year. No one is perfect, but no one will tolerate an tectless entrepreneur, writer and/or publicist.

Nonetheless, I am confident that there is hope for me. These skills are learned and can be acquired with guidance, experience, trial, and error.

However, the real question is can my friendship with Mr. Vegas be rejuvenated into something more mature, more adult, and more straightforward??? Well, he's an Aquarius and they are often aloof, distant, and totally unemotional. They expect a great deal from the other party, which includes reading their inner thoughts and disappointments. They're very special, private creatures and I appreciate them for being so damn honest and against the norm. They stay true to themselves (and I admire that).

Unfortunately, I am not Miss Cleo. Therefore, I can not read into anyone's soul and/or inner being. That certainly includes men, friends, employees, clients, etc. I’ve realized that we all may assume that the person who hurt us knows exactly how, why, where and when they committed the act. I’m a witness/victim to the assumption game. But that game gets old quickly. In the past and the present, I’ve stopped, relaxed, released and thought to myself, “maybe I should address ‘what’ they did to me, so that it will not happen again.” You should not fault someone for what they don’t know and that’s when “timing and delivery” is most important. Don’t you agree?

The Art of Networking

2006-07-12T01:35:00.000-04:00

Last week, I attended a smashing after work/birthday soirée for a charming young man who looked as if he was turning an innocent 21 (of course I batted my eyelashes and showed my pearly whites as I told him this information).

It all started when I went to Sony (located on fabulous Madison Avenue) to visit a publicist friend/business associate. We made small talk; he gave me a cold bottle of water, a bag of CD’s, and then on to more small talk. That’s when he said “it”. Mr. Publicist said the magic words that brought music to my ears (but I showed no inclination of being eagerly interested).

“So, what are you doing tonight?” My eyes lit up brighter then the giant Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. My heart pounded hard. By the beat, you would have thought that I had a treacherous work out or some good s-e-x. But, that’s beside the point.

I looked Mr. Publicist directly into his eyes and said with a cool, calm, and collect voice, “Uhmmmm, nothing really. Maybe just go home to write and work on some pitches.”

“Oh, well my boy who works here is having a birthday party at Fashion 40. You should come out.”

Come out? Did he say, “Come out?” I wanted to jump in his lap, kiss him on the cheek, and scream to the top of my lungs from happiness (hey, I don’t get out much). I thought to myself, “of course I’ll come out. I did not wear these 4” inch, black sandals with a cuff on the ankles for nothing.”

Mr. Publicist proceeded, “I have some things to finish up here. It’s going to take about an hour. If you are willing to wait that long, then we’ll head out.”

I’m sure that you’ve figured it out by now. I waited anxiously but the time passed by quickly. An hour later, Mr. Publicist, Mr. Finance (Mr. Publicist’s friend) and myself headed to the elevator. My eyes lit up once more when I saw what was by the elevator.

There he was standing, poised, and masculine. The coveted “birthday boy” was by the elevator; tall, neat, handsome and charming. I was introduced to him once we entered the elevator and I alerted him that I was attending his party (in a jokingly manner).

At the Shindig…

We arrived at Fashion 40 and I was actually in awe of the turn out. I’d only experienced this lounge twice since living in New York. Each time it was terribly empty. It was too empty. Honestly, I could probably hear a pin drop on the floor. It was like a ghost town the previous times that I had gone to this venue.

However, that day it seemed like the right place to be after a hard day of work. I got to a point that it was so crowded, I could barley move and navigate back and fourth to try to be social. There I was, a chilled Bailey’s in one hand, my bags in the other, and my observation skill in tact. I joked with Mr. Finance throughout the night while Mr. Publicist mingled and networked. I felt a sudden chill over me. My “inner thug” wanted to work the room, get to know everyone, and make more contacts. Yet, for the majority of the night I stayed in one area, sipped on my drink, and observed everyone else. By the end of the night, I’d left with two additional business contacts, sore feet, a buzz, and a stomach that craved for food. It was all worth it!!!

I know there’s an art to networking and meeting people in a social atmosphere. I need to learn that skill.

Is anyone willing to teach me?

Choices

2006-06-24T03:40:00.000-04:00

One thing that I absolutely love about New York is that the options are endless. The “city that never sleeps” offers several choices of men, lounges, clubs, restaurants, careers, interns, nail salons, spas, hotels, flea markets, men, car services, cleaners, diners, parks, museums, real estate, laundry mats, bodegas, and oh! Did I mention MEN?

While reading Actor, Ivey-Leaguer, Educator, Mentor, and Hottie, Hill Harper’s new page-turner titled Letters To A Young Brother, I started to reflect on all of the choices that I have made recently. Truthfully, the sheer thought of it put me in a horrible mood. Hill covered topics like “Working hard to work smart” and “Changing your mind, not quitting.”

Again, I sunk into my hard, wood stool at the Starbucks Café in Barnes & Noble as I reflected on my choices.

-My choice to work at a 9 to 5 that drains the energy out of me, daily
-My choice to pursue a freelance writing career and invest all of my time and effort into this business
-My choice to buy that addictive vanilla ice cream cone from the Mister Softee truck while aware that I could have put that same $2 in my savings account for a rainy day
-My choice to procrastinate with writing my pitch letters to various editors
-My choice in MEN. Believe me, I have made some great, good, bad, and very bad choices in this department
-Did I mention my unplanned, unconscious choice to be at a 9 to 5 that just does not please me emotionally, creatively and passionately?

Yet, I’ve come to terms with my choices for this ¼ century part of my life. I have learned and matured from these choices. I am truly blessed to live in a country where I’m able to make my own decisions and reside in a city that will offer them for an eternity.

It may sound sad to some, pitiful to others, and just down right depressing to the common, trendy, outgoing socialite in any popular city that I was in Barnes & Noble, sitting at the Starbucks Café, reading books and magazines on a damp, hot, humid, summer Friday night. But, that was the best choice that I had made all week!

Now…If I can just choose to go to sleep at an earlier time each night, then I will be on the right track (I guess). Life is totally about choices, so make them wisely! Wow, I should take my own advice.

‘Til next time…

The Magazine Whore

2006-06-08T23:19:00.000-04:00

They come in all different shapes, sizes, textures, colors and that’s just the mere beauty of it. They come packed with news, fashion, action, gossip, and informative how-to articles like “How to give the best blow job, and prepare a healthy dinner in just 20 minutes.” Some have good content, some great content, some are big, some are small, some even come miniature, glossy and matte, thick and thin. They come with celebrities, models, entrepreneurs and much, much more. Yes, this is why I’m in love. Confessions of a “Magazine Whore.”

I fell in love with magazines at a very young age in my life. However, I've become a collector as a young adult. Mature. Eager. Ready. Ready to handle the storage and expenses that go along with this fixation, fascination, and hobby. Most would certainly call it a hobby, but I call it a plain ‘ol ADDICTION.

Fortunately, society has not figured it out. They just don’t get it. So, there’s no Magazine Anonymous, place or program of that sort where family and friends can commit a person with a sickness like mine. Yep, we just rome free in the streets looking for a good fix. Money in one hand, Starbucks in the other and a mental map of every Barnes & Noble, magazine store, and news stand in the city. It’s an indescribable high. And oh, so satisfying! Hell, I’d be the first to curl up with a bulky, glossy, imaged filled magazine in my bed compared to a person from the male species. It’s just less of a headache and in the morning, my mag is in the same place where I left it…beside me.

I can remember it like yesterday. An Editor-In-Chief friend recommended it to me via email. The next day I did the unthinkable. I took a trip to my local bookstore, and there it was…sitting pretty and starring right at me. I wanted it and it definitely wanted me. Chills erupted through my body as I studied the scrumptious shiny cover featuring hip-hop artist, Butsa Rhymes in a suit. The feeling was orgasmic. My eyes searched endlessly for the name. There it read, in large, bold font, The Ave: A street movement in print. I picked up a copy and caressed it close to my heart. I suddenly felt the urge to cradle up into the fetal position after reading it cover to cover with a surprise at the end. Spike Lee on the flip side! Two in one, what more could a woman want?

The light bulb lit-up in my brain and I knew that I had to contact a staff member for an opportunity. A story. A voice. An objective. An article. A gracious piece in this fine publication with my name at the top. What do I have to loose? Why not turn this appetizing illness into a pivoting career, a money-making business, and have a damn good time doing it.

As a writer currently launching her freelance career in publishing, I knew that this was the ideal move to pursue. It just feels perfect and I get hungrier each time that I think of a fresh idea to pitch an editor. I’m axious to see where my path will lead.

This is Miss Joi and I’ve given you a full-blown tour. I’m a reader; a writer and you’ve read “Confessions of a Magazine Whore.”

True To Myself (is honesty the best policy?)

2006-04-23T02:18:00.000-04:00

Thursday night I cried myself to sleep. I was hopelessly self-absorbed while reflecting on the previous conversation that I just had with Mr. N. In addition, I was still pondering over a discussion with my friend, Druttz, earlier that evening.

It started off simple. My introductory question in both situations were,
“Name an issue or topic which effects men that you would like to see written in a magazine?” I said, “It can be anything ranging from cars, relationships, technology and etc.”

Druttz shared his ideas and opinions with me. I agreed that his answers were interesting and well thought out. Of course, our talk included the common friendly banter and humor. Next, I asked, “I have a question about honesty. Do you think that I should be more truthful with Mr. Vegas and just lay everything out on the table?”

Druttz said, “In what way?” I stated my purpose and gave him some examples. I began to share my feelings that I thought that I was not being honest enough. Yet, is there really a point to initiate this subject, if he is not around me often? I only see him once to twice a month.

I continued, “I just do not understand. It seems like men only accept the truth when you have a man, and inform them that they can be another friend (on the side).” I said, “If you are straight up with a woman, and give her the option and explain her position, then she respects you more.”

Druttz proceeded, “I just think that women accept honesty better then men. You should write a blog it.” He’s right. I anxiously took my notebook out of my bag and jotted down shorthand notes for reference. We ended our heart-to-heart with kind good-byes and when are we hangin’ again type questions.

Then, I called Mr. N.

Boy, I was in for a treat that involved chatting on the phone until 3am the next morning. I created an identical blueprint from my dialogue with Druttz to kick off our discussion. Mr. N. gladly answered all of my questions. Slowly, I brought up the “honesty” theme.

“Do you feel that women accept honesty better then men?” I said in an inquisitive tone.

Mr. N responded, “No, I don’t think that women accept honesty better then men. However, I do feel that they accept someone being unfaithful to them better then men.”

WOW! I was speechless. I had to remind myself that Mr. N is not your average man, therefore, his mind, thoughts and actions work differently. In the same token, his process of thinking is the reason that I bring these types of discussions to him.
Again I continued, “Do you think that I should be more truthful with Mr. Vegas and just lay everything out on the table?” Within that same breath, I could feel myself eating my own words. I had mentioned this to him before, but I did not know what to anticipate on the other end of the phone.

Mr. N expressed to me that it’s unnecessary at this point since I was not extremely truthful from the beginning (when I met Mr. Vegas last August). “You give everyone the perception that you’re innocent.”

“What? No, I do not give everyone the perception that I’m innocent! This is me, this is who I am.” I was astonished, flabbergasted, perplexed, and slightly offended. What did he mean by that statement? I began to question my own integrity. Am I living a lie? Am I being true to me? If I am not being truthful in my personal life then how can I be honest in business?

Mr. N. and I exchanged words back and forth about honesty, marriage, relationships, adultery, deceitfulness, our friendship/relationship and more. He ended the conversation with something that stuck to me like glue. “You need to start thinking about the other person (putting yourself in their shoes), before you make decisions. This is why I always bring up examples that show you their side. That shows you how it feels if it was done to you.”

I had the worst headache by the time that I had clicked the orange speakerphone button on my Panasonic cordless phone. It was the end for now. Maybe, just maybe I am lying to myself and everyone else in my life. I rolled over, closed my eyes, and cried myself
into a partial four-hour nap.

So I ask, “Do I give you the perception that I’m innocent?”

Why Settle For Less?

2006-02-27T01:30:00.000-05:00

Saturday night was…I am not really sure that I can put it in words. Maybe I should say, bizarre? Maybe the words “questionable” and/or “suspicious” would be a more suitable description of my night. Well, I met him on Friday night at an event. As usual, I was hanging with the girls, dancing, and just having a good ‘ol time. This man stepped in my path and I proceeded to ask him why his face was so serious and why did he look so mean. Now, I will learn to keep my mouth closed unless I’m absolutely interested. We made small talk and then he proceeded to ask for my number. Surprisingly, I stored the information in his trendy palm pilot/cell phone with several doubts in my mind.

Since the beginning of 2005 and into 2006, I made a promise to myself that I would never settle for mediocrity. That vow to myself ranged from choosing men to choosing a career. Hey, let’s face it. I have standards and preferences like the next person. After he said “good night and I’ll call you tomorrow”, I knew that I had broken the promise. I knew that I wasn’t remotely interested. I definitely knew that he would never call. I am sure that you’ve figured it out by the end of the last sentence. He called (more then once). Suddenly, I found myself accepting his invitation to dinner. By this time, I’d realized that I just wasn’t fascinated and that I would write this outing off as a new experience and research for my blog. Research, you ask? Yes, it seems harsh but I had to go down this road again one last time. I had to dissect the past and the reasoning behind getting into situations such as this one. Was I trying to be nice? Was I just hungry? Was I bored? Was I settling? Why, What, Who, When, and How did I end up having a satisfying meal with a man who pulls change (actual coins) out of his pocket to pay the bill on a first date? It raised an eyebrow as I finished sipping my green tea.

Next, was the movie. I’d stored the “change fiasco” as a mental note in the back of my brain. Perhaps he was a man who is detail oriented and wanted to be precise when it came to paying the bill and leaving a tip. I can certainly empathize. However, it was all so weird that I cancelled it off as a one-time episode. I stroked my conscience into convincing me that it could not possibly happen again in the same night. Yet again, I was sadly mistaken.

As we were standing in the line for a midnight show, we’d eagerly agreed on our movie of choice. We approached the register and in the middle of the transaction I’d noticed that the tickets were not for the movie we’d decided on five minutes prior. I was perplexed. I inquired and with a pleasant smile I said, “Oh, so you changed your mind? Are we going to see Firewall instead of Freedomland?” He stressed that he’d seen Firewall. He had an entire explanation that covered buying tickets in bulk, getting discounted passes, and using them toward movies that are out for 10 days or longer. Basically, he used the passes and we were going to sneak into our original movie selection, but it was all in the name of a discount. This raised another eyebrow. It was strike two. Strike three and you’re out.

Well, strike three came sooner then later. In the mist of a heated pool game, the waitress took our order for two hot chocolates. Well in reality, he was up by two and I was at zero. She quickly returned with two, fresh, hot chocolates topped with whipped cream. “That will be $4.50”, she said. I guess you can imagine what he did next. He gave her $20.50 (actual coins) and I’m not sure about a tip. I don’t like to assume, so I’ll leave the tip at question. I quietly thought; “Yep, strike three. You’re out. Game over.”

I will confess that this was not the worst date in my 25 years of living. There were pros and cons about the evening. For instance, I got to listen to great music, we had great conversation, he had great manners and a great sense of humor. Essentially, I could not be mad at him. Maybe he’d taken a woman out who accepted these types of actions?

I was more mad at myself. Mad at myself for giving him my home number. Mad at myself for deceiving him. Mad at myself for not being entirely honest. Mad at myself for wasting his time. Mad at myself for using his money. Mad at myself for settling. Settling for something that I would not tolerate in any circumstance. I know that I would never settle in business, so why settle for “good” in my personal life, when I deserve “great”? I was becoming a liability to myself.

By the end of the night; I just wanted to go home to my life, my featherd down pillows, and my vibrator…at least with that (my vibrator), I never have any complaints and I always come out of the situation with an enormous smile across my face. So, why settle for less, when I can have so much more?

(Hi readers! It took a lot for me to write this one. I would love to read your feedback and/or comments about this post. Please tell me if you agree or disagree. Was I being unreasonable?)

In Good Health

2006-02-22T01:35:00.000-05:00

It seems to creep up on me every winter between December to February. I’m never strong enough to prevent it from coming. I’m never prepared when it gets here. I’m always working overtime to get rid of it. What is “it”, you ask?

Sinusitis. It’s defined as inflammation of the skull. Yes, I know. It sounds disgusting and very serious. Yet. It’s not as hazardous as it may sound. For me, it’s an annual event since I have horrific sinus problems and the change of the weather usually adds to the cause. In addition, my roommate always stresses that my wardrobe reflects someone who resides in Miami. Therefore, I am certain that dressing inappropriate every chilly New York winter has helped Sinusitis take over my well-being.

For the last two weeks, I’ve been fighting this problem. I’ve noticed that you never learn really appreciate the basic perks in life until it’s gone. Well, now I am absolutely thankful for my good health. I’m sure that you would feel the same after suffering from a soar throat, loss of voice, headaches, body aches, nasal and chest congestion, and a dry cough that enabled you to complete a simple sentence. I forgot to throw in lack of sleep and exhaustion from dealing with these symptoms.

In the past and still to this day, I’ve chosen work over my health. I dragged myself to work everyday, refusing to use one or two days to get well. Last week, my co-worker asked me the same question. My response was, “Well when you have only three personal/sick days combined available to use for the entire year, taking off is not an option.” She just looked at me, mouth slightly open, trying to conjure up a rebuttal. Her silence told me that I was right. Who can afford to take off when the paid “off” days are too scarce?

On several occasions, I imagined being a sick person who owned a company. Would I still have no time to myself for healing? Would I only be entitled to use three personal/sick days or less if I were an entrepreneur? Would I have to come in and run the company? Can I trust my employees and company to run itself while I am sick? Actually, the thought that ran through my head were, “I would not have to deal with this (sh*t) if I was running my own company.” Yes, I admit that I was a little grouchy and bitter at the time these thoughts were flowing through my brain. Nevertheless, if I were president of a business, then at least I would not feel forced to go into work against my own will. For example, I pushed my freelance projects aside to concentrate on my health. Of course, I was disappointed that I did not make progress and complete some assignments. But, I was pleased that I had the option to choose. Being an employee makes me feel as if I do not have that control and/or alternative to even stay home. By now, I’ve realized that at the end of the day, it’s a temporary situation and just a check for me. It’s not worth my happiness, and definitely not worth my health.

By Any Means Necessary

2006-01-11T22:10:00.000-05:00

The next five minutes seemed like a decade. I was so drained that I could barely hold it up. The receiver to my phone was unusually heavy. I struggled to balance it against my ear by my right hand; the rest of my face in my left hand; and salted tears walked down my cheeks. Oh yeah, it was going to be a long, late night/early morning conversation. It was one of those conversations that you may even try to avoid at all cost. Those types that just bring tension and make it down right uncomfortable.

My eyes were glassy and pink from crying and growing frustration. Hey, I’m a sensitive woman. Some people view crying as a sign of weakness. On a more political note, I see crying as a form of expression. Since many do not agree with my opinion, I kept my crying to a minimum so that he could not hear on the other end. I sat on top of my overflowing, over packed, and over-the-top suitcase with just one thought pacing my brain. How did we manage to get here?

I was listening and he was speaking. “You see, this is what I am talking about. When you think like that it just seems like you’re giving up. If things don’t go your way, then you just say fuck it…it ended up this way, so I can’t do anything about it,” he said in a disappointing tone. I felt dehydrated while a gigantic lump shaped in my throat. Silence rushed through the phone. He then proceeded, “You don’t have anything to say?”

“I’m listening. To answer your question, No, I really don’t have anything to say. I’m just listening,” I said with a defensive manner. To be straightforward, I gave him a BS response. I’d realized that my submissive actions resulted from him “hitting the nail on the head.” He was telling the truth and it pierced my ego. As a result, I drew a total blank.

That night, Mr. N. and I abruptly ended our rocky discussion. It was the night before the transit strike was to occur. Mr. N. was concerned that I was backing out of a promise that I had made a few days prior. I was too aggravated to continue with him. By the time I hung up the phone, I started crying so hard that it felt as if someone ripped my heart out of my chest.

I can recall another past exchange with Mr. N. The topics covered life, independence and so on. Within the mist of our heart-to-heart he said, “You’ll never understand this conversation until you are truly on your own, and doing it all by yourself.” I thought that I was doing it by myself? Yes, I admit, I do have a roommate but she is not exactly my mother. Hello, I do live in New York, which is on of the most expensive cities to lay your head. I am witness that no one is paying my bills or passing any charity handouts my way. Therefore, does that exclude me from being a strong, independent woman, just because I share rent with someone? My face frowned when he said it. I could not understand his point.

On thing about Mr. N., he is definitely a “By Any Means Necessary” kind of man. I will confess that type of characteristic draws me to him. He just looks at situations in life differently then most people, including myself. He has a drive that burns in his soul and he never gives up. Basically, he does what he has to do, to accomplish a goal. Believe me, he’ll even sacrifice sleep if it (whatever “it” may be) has to get done.

In all honesty, I believe that if I told him I manipulated my boss with my looks and kind words to get to the top or if I entertained a wealthy, older gentlemen to pay my mortgage-he would not judge me. Several people may describe it as very tacky, distasteful, and a form of prostitution. But not Mr. N. He may just cancel it out, as I had an objective, which had to be met.

I never forgot his comment from that heart-to-heart conversation. Unconsciously, I began to wonder and question it all. Am I a “By Any Means Necessary” woman? Do I need to step up to the plate in order to really become an entrepreneur? Do I quit too soon? Do I hustle enough? Have I lost The Grind? The questions have never stopped filling my head. They often consume me. Maybe I will not understand Mr. N’s remark now or in the near future. Maybe I am not the “By Any Means Necessary” type according to his rules. Maybe I am not doing it all on my own in his eyes.

But right now, right here- I’m doing just fine.

A Clean Slate (for 2006)

2006-01-09T00:05:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I hibernated in the house from the cold, brisk New York air and noise. Since I did not have any have any incredible plans, I decided to clean house and get organized.

I started with the kitchen by anxiously cleaning the stove and microwave. Next, I dried and put away the glistening dishes, complements of a great dishwasher. I took out the trash and swept the floor. Then came my room. I am genuinely not a messy person and my roommate can contest to it. Still, I noticed some clutter. Therefore, I collected old magazines and miscellaneous paperwork for the garbage. I rearranged my books by size and even made some new files for my bank statements. Last but not least, was the bathroom. I was taught that a woman’s kitchen and bathroom should always be neat, clean and presentable. I began with washing the tub and sink; sweeping hair off of the floor; washing the windows and then came the toilet bowl. Looking back, I really put love into scrubbing that bowl. I was on all four’s scrubbing around the bowl and beyond.

Honestly, I love cleaning. For me, it’s truly therapeutic and I enjoy the outcome. My mother recently told me when she went from “cleaning teeth to cleaning toilet bowls,” that is was a humbling experience for her. In retrospect, I can relate to her analogy. Nonetheless, I was on all four’s cleaning and then it happened. This was the moment when I had an epiphany. Suddenly, everything just came to light. My thoughts were clear. I had so many questions. There was one that I could not seem to answer. It replayed in my head for hours. Finally, I said it out loud.

Can I have a clean slate for 2006?

Let’s dissect this theory. Today we exist in a world where women can erase their sexual past, claim back their virginity and even rewind their age. Hell, I convinced myself that I would be turning 24 this year, again. I even put my license on the nightstand to collect dust. Now, I tote around my New York State ID that clearly reads “Under 21” in big red print. What can I say? I want to hold on to my youth.

Truthfully, we’re in a society where weaves, fake breasts or a magnificent Wonder Bra, and Botox are a must have accessory; he used to be a she; she is really a he who went from Leon to Laura; The words “Monogamy”, “Married” and/or “Involved” are conveniently used when an unattractive person approaches you; the sexy music executive that you met last week is really an intern; and the President of The United States claims to actually tell us the truth. It’s all a façade. Now a day, you never know what you’re going to get or know the people that you meet. Is this person to good to be true? Or is this their representative? Hence, I totally believe that I can delete last year and start over fresh, pure and new for 2006.

I’ve decided that I am not the type of woman who makes New Year’s resolutions. Psychologically, the word resolution does not sound stern enough for me. Like glass, resolutions can be broken. I know first hand. In the past, I’ve made and broke several of them.

So for ’06, I have set goals-both short and long term. I write them down and work toward each one, daily. I am sure that you are wondering what type of goals I have on the agenda. Number one on my list is to start and incorporate my business by next month. Believe me, we would be here for more then a week if I named each one. However, they range from a new hairstyle to saving for my first home.

I know that it will not be an easy path to accomplish it all, especially in one year. But, I’m in it for the long run. I’ve made a promise to strip myself from all the pessimistic thoughts and hardships of 2005. It’s a new year, a new me.

At this moment, while I sit at my desk, reflecting on me, setting goals, typing posts for my bog, listening to ”The Black Album” by my muse, Jay-Z and starting corporations; I have been reborn and wiped my slate totally clean. Now, What about you?…I’m listening.

Mergers & Acquisitions

2005-12-13T00:40:00.000-05:00

“Joi, when you are on your grind, you have to humble yourself and throw your pride out of the window.” That was a blurb from an unforgettable conversation with a great friend. His name you ask? Well, we will just call him Mr. N.

“You need to treat everything and everyone like a business,” he said. I set there, comfortably snuggled in a booth at Geisha restaurant (located on 61st street), sipping green tea, eating an appetizer, and speechless as hell. I felt the tears piling up in my pupils. Even so, I ate my sensitivity and became engulfed in one of the most difficult but emotional meetings that I’ve had with Mr. N.

Mr. N had a seriousness about him and his words commanded my attention. After that evening, I reflected on our discussion. I made a promise to myself (and Mr. N) that I would never forget this moment. By dessert, I decided that I would cherish his words and put them to action.

A few months later, I found myself covering the same topic with another friend. I guess that you want to know his name as well? Again, we will refer to him as Mr.C for privacy and respect issues. He proceeded to say, “If you think about it, we all handle people (meaning the opposite sex) like business. It’s all about mergers and acquisitions. Will we be able to join forces and make it happen? Or will the other involved party try to buy you out to leave the deal?” Interesting. Mergers and Acquisitions. Mr. N and Mr. C definitely hit the nail on the head. I just smiled, on the other end of the phone, in agreement with him.

I can remember when I anxiously called Mr. N about a gorgeous fur coat that I had to take home. I stated my case aggressively. Mr. N’s position was, “What’s in it for me?” We went back and fourth for 15 minutes or more, setting the guidelines and negotiations. Instantly, a deal had been made. “You are a businessman in every sense,” I said to Mr. N before hanging up with him. To say the least, I closed the deal and got my fabulous fur! Besides, It’s not important how I got the coat. The key lesson from this story is that Mr. N and I approached this personal matter just like a business opportunity.

In several situations, it’s about measuring whether this person will be an asset or liability to your company (a.k.a your life and social well-being). Are you willing to invest time and/or money in his/her stock? You have to determine if there will be a return on the stock. Moreover, you may need to evaluate if the return will be minimal or great.

Nevertheless, when a questionable prospect stares me in the face, be it a merger and/or acquisition; I will replay those two significant conversations via Mr. N and Mr. C in my thoughts.

In conclusion, if you find that the merger and/or acquisition will not be of benefit, then leave your options open. Believe me, there are plenty of deals to be made, and they will find you.
I am going to end this post by quoting a few words that a tenacious woman once told me. When you’re certain that the merger and acquisition just does not fit your needs; then you can politely say, “I think that we are moving in different directions.” Hopefully, they will not be offended, because when you get down to it…it’s just business.

The Challenge

2005-12-11T22:49:00.000-05:00

Can I be Frank?

No, I don’t mean be someone named “Frank” but using the word in the sense of being terribly honest.

I have a confession that I want to share with you. I love a good challenge. I’m up for it 365 days of the year. It just brings chills down my spine, as well as, every inch of my body. I like the sheer joy of the experience.

I love the beginning of a challenge; when you’re at the guessing stage. Your thoughts become mixed with fear and excitement. Then, you get that sudden adrenalin rush from the first approach and trying to figure it all out. Nonetheless, I love the ending stage, which is the aftermath of dominating the entire task. It’s a wonderful feeling!

What can I say? I’m definitely a woman who knows what she wants and when she wants it. I admit; I can be indecisive too. However, if the timing seems appropriate, then I usually go for it. Now that I am 25, I’ve realized that life is short, so neither you nor I have time to procrastinate and ponder about the various challenges that make contact with our lives.

Therefore, I am up for any difficult task, which crosses my path.

Can I be Frank again?

Have you ever had a challenge that just seems too complicated? It’s so hard yet tricky that you are questioning yourself and the initial line of attack. Pessimistic thoughts begin to fill your head. Is it really worth it? What will I achieve in the end? Will I learn and/or gain anything from this incident? What’s the point?

Let me give you a mental picture. It’s similar to the Mr. Big and Carrie (from Sex In the City) scenario. In the end, she finally got what she wanted and indeed it was well deserved on her part. Nevertheless, it took her years to accomplish and conquer that goal. Ok, ok. Don’t kill me! I will not give away the spectacular conclusion for those of you who have not seen that last episode of season 6. For those who have watched the series and tuned into the last episode, then you certainly get my point.

I do not want the male readers to be confused, so let me give you another example. I am a woman that likes to have all grounds covered and state my purpose so that everyone can relate. It’s similar to Mike Tyson making a comeback as champion and the New York Jets actually having a chance at the superbowl this year. Now, do you get my drift?

Well, I am fighting the same battle. It’s parallel to my previous examples. I have a challenge that is very tough. It’s so complicated, that I am always questioning my next move. I feel as if I have been at the guessing stage forever.

For the sake of your sanity, we’ll call this challenge Project GX. I acquired Project GX a few years ago. At the time, it seemed very promising. I was impressed with all of the benefits it had to offer. I knew that it would take keen thinking, time, attention and determination to take on the challenge. Of course, I was up for every minute of it. I found Project GX extremely appealing and I knew that the outcome would outweigh the effort put in. I was confident that results would be positive. After all, who could turn down an opportunity so tempting?

Let’s fast forward to my current progress with Project GX. That last statement was an oxymoron, since I’ve made no progress at all. Truthfully, it’s driving me crazy. I thought that I was a woman who could overcome anything that she puts her mind to. That’s just it. I’ve put a lot of thought and energy into Project GX. Yet, nothing. Nada.

In addition, I’ve even attempted to re-arrange my schedule to accommodate this mission. I have put aside my pride, released my guard and invested my time to gain hands-on experience. But, I am unable to break it down and take control of the situation.

In the end, is it really worth it? I say “Yes.” What do you think?

25 & Older

2005-11-15T22:07:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been in the club and the DJ throws on a jam that you have not heard in years?

It’s one of those electrifying songs that have an intense beat and playful chorus. It’s one of those grooves that call for everyone to get up and dance while feeling a bit nostalgic. At the perfect moment, the DJ proceeds to say, “If your 25 and older put your hands up!”

Well, I’ve never had that experience. I’ve always been filled with glee when the DJ says those types of comments. Therefore, I’ve kept my hands down, since I am apart of the 24 and younger group.

When I was about 18, the thought of being 25 scared me. Back then, 25 meant that you were “old”. It’s an age where your sexy, single, social life goes down the drain. Plans for marriage and children are at the top of your goals list. It’s a time when going to the gym is a necessity, since your metabolism has slowed down and your figure is not as great as it used to be. It’s a time to invest in a retirement plan, purchase life insurance, and schedule a physical more then once a year. It’s a time when engagement rings and buying your first home is the topic of conversation.

Boy, was I wrong (on some points)! If only I knew then, what I know now. Life may have been a little different.

Honestly, I am still afraid of turning 25. I am dreading my 25th birthday, which is in about one week. Well, November 23rd to be exact.

I truly believe and have witnessed that real women age gracefully. Yet, I do not feel graceful at all. I feel old and unaccomplished. Hell, my bones are even sore at times.

I’ve come to the realization that I am dreading the mid twenties for one main reason. I am measuring my age to my life accomplishments (and happiness). I continue to size myself up everyday, and it truly bothers me when I step outside and reflect. It’s become so unbearable and uncontrollable that I create stress. While I am soaking in my thoughts, my shoulders get tense and headaches occur, due to my closet failures. I even cry myself to sleep some nights.

I feel as if I am in a track race against time. Everyone has passed me. I am still standing at the beginning of the white line trying to plan and contemplate my start. I am just standing there while time ticks away.

I read an article in the paper yesterday about an entrepreneur who was just 19 years of age (“High Flying Teenager” page 20 of the Metro newspaper). His name is Martin Halstead from southern England. He had been in other business ventures and on his “Grind” since age 15. He recently launched a new airline, Alpha One, that travels on routes that are too small for larger airlines.

I was amazed! I thought to myself…WOW! Where in the hell did I go wrong? Did I miss the memo about working on your future in the tender years?

Actually, it made me think about a quote that Kim Kiyosaki, investor and wife of best-selling author Robert Kiyosaki, said at a real estate expo that I attended. As she started her closing statements in the seminar titled, Women & Investing, she said something that raised an eyebrow or two. This was a quote that I will never forget. She said, “It’s all about what your willing to give up (sacrifice) now, to be rewarded later.”

So, I ask myself at age 24, “Am I willing to give up traveling, clubbing, eating out, and much more now, in order to focus, grind and be rewarded later (for financial freedom, happiness and a peace of mind)?”

No matter the number of times this question will approach me, my answer will be just the same. “Yes, definitely.”

I do recall that my last piece covered recognizing your blessings and being grateful for them on a daily basis. Some may think that I am a hypocrite while reading this current post. Yet, that is not the case. I continue to be thankful for the people and things in my life. On the other hand, I do not tolerate being comfortable or content. It can lead to laziness. I love to “push the envelope” and challenge myself to soar high for that next level.

I have a different outlook now. My perspective on life, men and my career are not the same compared to when I was at the delicate age of 18. I used to think that I had all of the time in the world. Nevertheless, I’ve realized that we can not set the clock back a few years.

I’m a minute away from turning 25, and what do I have to show for myself? Absolutely Nothing.

Little Surprises

2005-11-07T23:27:00.000-05:00

The most bizarre moment happened to me today (Monday, November 7th). As my roommate proceeded to give me the mail, she handed one last item to me.

“Oh, You got this too. Joe, our doorman, was like someone dropped this off for 1J,” she said.

I took it off her hands with curiosity written all over my face. To my astonishment, there were two lilies and miscellaneous greenery carefully wrapped and a small turquoise envelope that read, “Joy.. APT. 1J.” I figured that is was definitely someone who did not know me well, since my name was spelled incorrectly.

While my rommie stood permanently in the doorway, I eagerly tore open the envelope. Who could this be from? I thought to myself. Joi does not have an admirer! Is this some type of sick joke? Really?

I opened the blank card and inside was a neatly folded note. “Who is it from?” my roommate asked. “Not sure, trying to read the note,” I said with caution.

Unfortunately, I could not identify this person from their handwriting, nor did they bother to leave a name. It was signed “-with love ?" I could not believe it. Someone signed this note with a question mark (?).

How bizarre? I quietly pondered. “They did not sign a name, just left a question mark,” I said.

Although the note hand one hidden clue, a hidden yet obvious clue which gave me a very promising lead of whom left this unexpected mystery package. Actually, I thought that it was quite clever and classy in a wired, bizarre sort of way. It was surely a pleasant surprise and put a smile on my face.

I was perplexed, so I began to contemplate while I answered my emails and stared at the blossoming lilies that set comfortably on my desk.

Will my life, especially my quest for entrepreneurship, be full of “little surprises”? I am hoping that it will be similar to the surprise that happened this evening.

Recently, I’ve noticed that I loose myself in my thoughts, ideas, and complaints. The keyword here is COMPLAINTS. As adults, people, human beings, we never sit back and reflect on our blessings and “little surprises” that occur throughout our lives.

I consume my thinking with uneasy emotions. Emotions such as feeling that I have failed myself, feeling like I am angry for not having a career in my aspiring field, for not operating my own business at this “old age”, for not being able to go shopping at my convenience, for being frustrated when my hair is scruffy, for not being able to provide for my mother and younger siblings, for not being paid a higher salary, and so on.

Some days, I wish that that someone would just shake the sh**t out of me and say, “Joi, it could always be worse.”

Therefore starting today, and during my long, hard, exciting, eye-opening journey toward entrepreneurship…I will begin to count my blessings and “little surprises.” Especially, since you’ll never be able to predict when they will run out.

Great Expectations

2005-10-10T22:30:00.000-04:00

Many know this familiar title from Charles Dickens great work of literature. Great Expectations is a tale about a young man who realizes that having high expectations can be a double-edged sword. While the peak of this story has been explained in one simple sentence, I find that I certainly can relate.

I always say, “Don’t expect, you’ll only be disappointed.” It is a strong statement that has been by my side for a few years. It’s even a screensaver on my CPU and plays a major part in my life. In business and dealing with the opposite sex, I usually stick to this rule. Some say that I am bitter. Others say that I use this motto to protect my feelings. I say that it is the truth and I am standing by it.

Currently, I am reading Trump: The Art Of The Deal, by Donald J. Trump and Tony Schwartz. It’s a wonderful read. A real page-turner. (Thanks Donald!) In chapter 2, Mr. Trump makes an intriguing comment regarding expectations. He says, “It’s been said that I believe in the power of positive thinking. In fact, I believe in the power of negative thinking. I happen to be very conservative in business. I always go into the deal anticipating the worst. If you plan for the worst-if you can live with the worst-the good will always take care of itself.”

On several levels, business and personal, I agree with “The Donald”. For example, I promoted a party last month at a sexy venue in New York City. Although, I knew that every invited guest would not attend, I did expect the outcome of the party to be amazing. It turned out to be a mediocre party with few guest. I felt like a failure and worst of all…I felt humiliated. In the end, it actually motivated me to try it again. However, if I had envisioned the most horrible conditions going into the project, then I would not have been so shocked.

This is another reason that I try not to hold high expectations or any expectations for that matter. With expectations, disappointment may be treading close behind. I do not enjoy the feeling of disappointment. It’s dreadful. It’s misleading. Most of all, it hurts. It’s a type of emotional hurt that I would not wish on my most evil enemy. After this dreadful emotion passes, analyzation has set in and your brain starts to turn. You begin to re-evaluate the circumstances. Unanswered questions start to form. What could have went wrong? What did I do? What did I not do? Why did this happen? Unfortunately, we fail to think that (sometimes) it is the opposing party who caused this feeling. We continue to blame ourselves for their actions. We were just trying to be optimistic! Yet, in the sweet words of Trump, if we can expect and live with the worst then there will not be any surprises such as disappointment. The good will always come in the end.

Let me give you another example. This past weekend, a very close friend to me had a marvelous date with a wonderful guy set for Saturday night. He was someone who had charm, charisma, and that sparkle in his eye that just made my friend melt. In the middle of a steaming conversation, he politely asked her out on Wednesday via email. So, they set a tentative date for Saturday evening. Any normal woman would expect for this man to follow up with details. Just minimal details like Where? and What time?. My friend did not hear from him Saturday or even Sunday for that matter. As a result, my friend was very disappointed. She began to think that “she” was the problem. When she called, I gave her a pep talk that included my famous quote (stated in the beginning).

As I sat on the other end of phone, listening to the hurt and cracking in her soft voice, I began to reflect. I remember this woman vividly. I can recall seeing her everyday. I used to be this woman. I could feel her sorrow, pain and disappointment exploding.

It was a magical illusion. It was my fool’s paradise. It was true. It was real. It was me. It was disappointment…and I never saw “it” coming.

(Readers, please leave your feedback and comments. I welcome them.)

Is It Better To Be Late Than Never?

2005-10-09T00:08:00.000-04:00

When I am late for work, a meeting or even a date, I get disappointed and begin to feel nauseous.

Okay, Okay-Maybe I am being a tad bit dramatic!

It irritates me when I am late and vice versa. I can not escape it (tardiness). It's like an unwanted, undesirable disease.

Forget the fact that I have to report to the place in which we all call work a.k.a my J.O.B by 8:45am. Forget the fact that this is the earliest time since residing in New York, that I've been required to go to work. Forget the fact that my loud, obnoxious alarm clock rings at the same time every morning. I just do not roll out of my bed, hop in the shower, find appropriate attire, fix my lunch, find breakfast and be on the way to the subway by 7:40am (really 7:30am) inorder to make it to my destination on time.

Please do not believe that I am tardy everyday or for every engagement in my "single", New York life. Let me explain my case before you jump to any conclusion about this common dilemma.
It is a huge pet-peeve that I am desperately trying to to cure. You can't even begin to imagine my late trend after a few exciting nights during the work week. It can get pretty ugly!

In my opinion, being late is unprofessional, inconsiderate, and just down right rude at times. It's a bad representation of you, your image, your persona and so on. It does not look good when people stroll in any room late, unless you are "fashionably" late for a fabulous party. That's understandable and usually executed by strategic planning. Othe the other hand, lateness is not cool or strategic at all.

I ask myself, "Could this be an area in my life that needs to be fixed before true success knocks on my door?"

In New York, where opportunity is endless, business meetings can be scheduled as late as 11pm, and places (clubs, stores, diners) stay open around the clock-Is it Better To Be Late Than Never?
In certain situations this may prove to be true. For instance, if you are on a dream date with a HOT man, that you've been trying to coordinate schedules with and reach a night where both of you can bond, eat, etc on one night. In this example it may be excusable. However, let's think about it. How would he (the HOT man) feel if you were late and vice versa (regardless if you put in a warning call).
A great man once told me that "someone who is inconsiderate of your time is inconsiderate of you and does not care." In more ways than one, I am beginning to believe it. I've always believed that tardiness and business will never mix. Sometimes, tardiness is indeed uncontrollable. Yet, it can be prevented as well.

Nevertheless, when success finally decides to knock on my door (and it will knock hard), I will throw my "late" problem out of the window and never look back. Tardiness can be cured. Visit a doctor if it gets out of hand. I am sure that he/she will be happy to write a prescription for time management and 8 hours of rest.

Therefore, do not always believe the cliche that it is "Better To Be Late Than Never." Besides, it always better to be on time and being late is just not worth the risk in the end.

Tieing The Knot

2005-09-19T23:40:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I had a mind-blowing experience.

No, It was not the annual end of summer sale at Barney's.
No, It was not a fun filled adventure in the Hamptons.
and No, It was not that smart accountant (who works in the entertainment industry) whom I find achingly SEXY!!!

It was something wonderful. Something that I am grateful to played a part...A "Hindu" wedding.

"A Hindu wedding is not simply an exchange of vows and rings, it is a union which binds not only two hearts together but two families as well."

Based on my experience, in the Hindu religion, marriage is not taken lightly-which was a factor that I came to observe and appreciate.

For example the Bridegroom, also known as the Groom in American culture, is honored, worshiped, and welcomed as a Prince-awaiting to take his bride and begin a new life together. Upon the groom's entrance into the hall, Milaap & Dwaar Pooja occurs which involves the Bride's mother and her female relatives giving the Groom a garland with flowers and honoring him with aarti and gifts while singing.

As the Bride glided down the isle, red carpet under her feet, I realized that this was not just your ordinary wedding. This was a celebration...a celebration of two becoming whole and complete. Two families merging into one. WOW! When businesses merge, they should have a ceremony like this, and then mergers and acquisitions would not seem so complicated. It made sense to me...Well, back to the ceremony.

While I set on the crisp , white sheets-no shoes, legs crossed with tears crowding my pupils; I wondered why? Why do American/Christian weddings seem so different? They can be so shallow at times. At this beautiful, religious function, Every action was symbolic...Every word was spoken with passion and love. In my opinion, Christian ceremonies can lose the focus and purpose. Thoughts are hungry to judge the bride's appearance, the taste/class of the crowd, the size of the church, the decor of the reception and so on.

This wedding was the complete opposite. It had a focus, a meaning, a common goal- bringing two individuals, as well as, two families together as one.

As the husband and wife (to be) Tied The Knot-No, literally. A tied knot of the shawls also known as Gathi Bandhan. The tieing of the knot symbolizes a life long union. I rose from my floor seat with a more positive outlook on marriage, life, and love. There is hope for me...and this "Hindu" wedding showed me that hope.

PART 2 -The Reception:

By 4pm I was at the reception-dressed in all black-ready, willing and very nervous. Another union was about to occur. A union that I had forsaken one year ago. Me, the bar, and over 70 anxious, thirsty guests. Yes! Not only did I experience the best wedding in 2005, but I was bartending the reception too. "The Grind" was back in all of it's glory. "Tip jar, make me a happy women tonight!" I recited this chant over and over and over again.

Let me say that it was definitely "The Grind". I worked that bar non-stop (well, I did stop for one restroom break) from 4pm to 1am. It was addictive! I could not stop myself. Bailey's on the rocks here, Apple Martini there. I was on fire and I did not forget one recipe. I want that feeling again. That feeling where you are on top of the world. That feeling of being on top of your game. And that, my friends, is the feeling of working for yourself, enjoying what you are doing while making money all at the same time.

I went home that night-exhausted with aching muscles, a manicure from hell, wrinkled skin, and soars/cuts on all five of my fingers...and yet it felt so painfully good. I was my own boss on this day, providing a service to the bride, groom, and their guests. I was high from this glorious evening. With my other wedding attire in one hand and a Redstripe (Jamaican Beer) box full of tips in the other-all I could think about was "The Grind". It was back and better then ever. Yet, I noticed on the way home, that "The Hustle, The Grind" had never left my side.

PS-This piece is dedicated to the happy couple. Thank you for giving me this special memory, a chance to be my own boss, and allowing the opportunity for me to Grind.

There Is No "I" In Team...

2005-09-11T22:00:00.000-04:00

After five years of living and loving New York, I've finally attended my very first baseball game on Thursday, September 8th-New York Yankees VS. Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

It was exciting, enchanting, exhilarating...Well, you know how it can be for a first-timer.

I went to the game with three of my fabulous co-workers-just "US" girls. It felt like that episode from Sex In The City (the 1st season). Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte go to a Yankee game-Carrie gets drunk from cheap beer, catches a ball, then decides to ask the New, Hot Yankee out on a date.

We'll I felt as if it were Deja Vu...minus a ball caught and a sizzling Yankee to take home.

While bonding with my co-workers, trying to keep up with the game (Yankees down by 3), and stuffing my face with the best cheese fries ever-I began to reflect.

Does baseball and business go hand and hand?

It's definitely a great tool to shmooze important and potential clients. Who's going to turn down a Yankee game?

This question repeated itself in my head for the rest of the night...Does baseball and business go hand and hand?

Think about it? There are several positions in baseball that make up a team. There are several positions in a company that do the same.

For example, the Coach plays an important position in baseball or any sport. They assist in ensuring a smooth function in the team at all times. A President and/or CEO possesses the same role as the Coach. He/She ensures a smooth function of the company. The President is the eyes and ears of the business. In addition, they make and approve all important decisions for the well-being of the business.

-The role of the outfielders (Left, Right and Center) are to chase down and catch any ball that enters into their territory. They are to throw a rapid and accurate return to a basemen preventing the opposing team a chance to reach the other base or a homerun.They can see everything in a game form their positions on the feild. In business, the outfeilders are the other roles that assist with running a company, like the Chief Financial officer (CFO) and the Chief Operating Officer (COO). This may also include the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) as well, if the business has two people-one as President and one as CEO. They plan, observe and catch aspects of the business that the president will not be able to handle alone. CFO, COO, CEO are the support of the President.

-The basemen (1st, 2nd 3rd) play distinct yet similar roles in this game. The ultimate goal of each is to retire the batter. However, they all have more distinct duties outside of retiring the batter. For instance, the Third baseman has to be able to field ground balls and cover fly balls (A fly ball is a ball that is hit into the air, usually very high). They all stand at each point/tip of the baseball diamond. In business, the basemen represent all the employees. Each employee have distinct yet similar roles in a company. Their ultimate goal is to produce revenue (and even stay aware of the competition).

-The Shortstop (SS) is one of the most valuable players on the team. This person has an interesting and important position on the field. From their position on the field (between 2nd and 3rd baseman), they have the opportunity to observe all basemen as well as the catcher and pitcher. Their job consist of fielding ground balls and starting/turning double plays ( A double play is making two outs in the same play. Basically getting two players, from the opposing team, out of the game at the same time). Again in the field of business, the SS can be seen as the Vice President (VP). The VP is a person that deals with the the employees on a more intimate level. He/She, depending on their distinct title, manages the managers in particular department. The shortstop deals and stands with the basemen and the VP usually has an office near the employees of their area.

-The Pitcher, who has the number one position, primary role is to pitch the ball to the batter-the competition.

-The Catcher must catch and/or block all pitches to prevent baserunners from advancing to the base.

Both roles, the catcher and the pitcher, communicate and work close with each other on the baseball field. Although, in business the Pitcher and the Catcher can be viewed as the Human Resources and the Accounting department. It's like a "Check and Balance" relationship. Both departments are involved closely with one another, while balancing the other one.

For instance, Accounting may check on Human Resources to monitor the number of people hired within the year. Both departments report to the CFO-like the pitcher and catcher. Both report to the Coach, and make sure that they enable advancement of the batter up to first base.

Nevertheless, did I answer my own question?

Does business and baseball go hand and hand?

Well, I guess that only I can search for that answer. However, I think that we all can agree, in business and baseball you have to work together as a TEAM. One hand washes the other. If any person and/or position played does not cooperate with the TEAM-then a common goal can not be attained.

By the end of the night, the Yankees had lost to the Devil Rays. But I won...I won the knowledge of the game known as Baseball, a closer bond with my co-workers, the idea for my next blog, and the meaning of true TEAMwork. Just like the the title of my story, my mantra, my motto...There Is No "I" In Team.

Viva Las Vegas!!! (The Magic Show)

2005-09-08T03:04:00.000-04:00

Anyone who is anyone in the fashion industry knows about the "Magic Show"...One of the largest trade shows that occur twice a year (February and August).

This is a place where buyers (from department stores, boutiques, retailers, etc.) come to shop, Magazine Editors come to analyze trends and search for inspiration, Vendors/Manufactures/Fashion houses come to show the new product and give the best parties in town. This is time of Networking. Shopping. Working. Partying. and maybe even a little Gambling...in spectacular weather.

Since my roommate, cousin (who is an MTV employee), and a few of my friends were basking in the hot, sexy city that we all know as Miami (southbeach) for the VMA's...I decided to head to Vegas via North West Airlines.

I've always wanted to experience the trade show and all of it's glory, especially after becoming familiar with it while a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

So, there I was...Viva Las Vegas!!!

After my fun filled weekend ended, I had the opportunity to attend the show on Monday, August 29th. It was larger then life and I suddenly became overwhelmed. This was a land of opportunity and I wanted to take it all in and seize every moment. Which booth should I visit first? Where should I go? Who should I shmooze? I had to play it safe since I am not a "buyer" and did not have any type of appointments.

Finally, my day ended at the Rocawear booth which was guarded by security who promptly checked for each person's badge...Fortunately, I have friends in high places, so the door was not a problem.

I was impressed! The merchandising was excellent from the accessories/sunglass area in the front (by the entrance) to the each individual meeting room where apparel, shoes, and/or bags were strategically displayed for excited buyers to review. I suddenly became proud that this was a company started from "the grind" by two, incredible, business savvy, black men who were not afraid to take a risk on a wonderful idea.

As I observed a company that practically ran itself (whether the owners were present or not). It motivated me to stay on "the grind" , follow my dream of owning several companies, and continue to maintain the hustle mentality that burns inside of me. As I thought back to the day that I was heading to Vegas, sitting in the terminal, waiting to board the plane. I spotted a boy, no older then 9 years of age, Asian, attractive and wearing reading glasses...he was holding a Rocawear book bag (knapsack).

I just sat there and thought to myself..."Damn...now, that is when you know that you have made it."