Saturday, February 21, 2009


This Saturday morning, I’d awaken to a man telling me over Blackberry Instant Messenger that I am a “Prototype for why niggas act like niggas sometimes.”

Well, to say the least it certainly helped me to pop out of my bed feeling perplexed. How do you respond to a statement like that; a statement so rash, so abrasive, and so untactful? All that I could think of was how I did not want to start my morning filled with the drama of responding to a man that sounded like he had his morning coffee with a side of bitter & broken ego. Then again, I never heard the words come out of his mouth; therefore, I was not sure if I should be offended or a bit intrigued by this shady IM message. Well, I went with offended and confused. It fits me better (wink, wink). But I definitely wanted to know where this comment stemmed from since the original IM exchange was about his friend’s inquires about me; not his own issues with what type of woman I am in his eyes. Needless to say, it came out of no where based on the initial topic of conversation.

Before I continue along with the story, let me be fair and give you some background information. I don’t want to paint this man out to be a jerk aka asshole, just because he felt the need to say that I am a “Prototype” for anything. He was just merely expressing his feelings. I’ve already come to the conclusion (before this post was written), that he just isn’t the man for me in an intimate capacity, and that’s totally fine. Don’t worry, I’m not going to cry or slit my wrist due to a situation that ends unhappy or as a cliff hanger. I learn more about myself from all of it.

I’ll keep the backgrounder short and sweet. This man and I had only established a business rapport with one another until we had an early morning breakfast almost two months ago. It was cool. We ate, we talked, we bonded which led to an exchange of numbers, emails, and IM names. At breakfast, he confessed that he was attracted to me and I grew fond of him after several interactions of witty banter and interesting discussions via phone and IM messages. He was sweet, laid-back, smart and real. His aura gave off the most honest energy but it was positive. In a nut shell, he asked me out and we confirmed a day. Unfortunately, I cancelled due to an impromptu business trip to LA to meet with Bruce Wayne (see Picture Perfect; My LA Trip post from January 27th). After my return to NYC, we still continued to talk daily but I didn’t commit to go out with him again. Yes, it was unconscious but I take full responsibility for not being aggressive with rescheduling another outing. Hey, I was still happy with just talking to him and learning about one another. The daily talks began to slow down and when I would check in on him, something seemed off. In the end, he expressed to me that he will loose interest in a woman if “the situation just stands still”. I told him that I completely understand and could respect his honesty and his decision. In my mind, the witty chatter was over and we would go back to the business rapport that was there in the beginning. There was certainly no love lost.

So, as you can see our personal relationship ended on a considerate note. I hope now you can understand where my confusion came from: 1.) I did not expect for him to contact me again (on a personal level) 2.) Why would he say such a hasty statement about me?
Well, we talked over the phone later on so that he could further explain himself to clear things up. It was basically the same thing that he’s told me before. He lost interest, I was giving him the run-around, he’s not the type of man who does a mouse and cat chase with women, and he basically couldn’t understand the point of us since I didn’t give him more time. However, he did sincerely apologize for saying or typing that I was the “Prototype for why niggas act like niggas sometimes.” Hey, people say what they mean, so I feel that's how he really thinks of me, as the “Prototype.” The chick that plays it cool, doesn’t act as expected and doesn’t baby the male ego as she should; the woman who’s untraditional and won’t conform easily. As a result, she is the excuse of why men act out. Please, give me a break!

I stressed to him that the comment was offensive, untactful and inappropriate. But of course, there’s no love lost. I was never angry with his decision. Hell, he chose his choice and he should stand by it; not call me out because I didn’t stroke his ego enough while massaging his dick. Yes, the language is dirty this time around but you get my point, right?

I also told him that I’m in a stage of my life where I am the woman who does NOT want a “fuck buddy” or a “boyfriend”. I’m still figuring it all out. So, should I be punished for my indecisiveness and called a “Prototype for why niggas act like niggas sometimes?” Yes, we’re adults here and I know that there really is no happy medium between a “fuck buddy” and “boyfriend”. But I will not be rushed into any situation or called names. Our conversation ended awkwardly as he had to run to meet his friends for lunch and at the same time, I was still speechless from the drama that had occurred. It was still sinking in. We said our good byes and hung up the phone with no real conclusion. But I want to you all to know that I’m one of a kind and not a “Prototype” for niggas who don’t act accordingly or anything else. Men decide to act like niggas sometimes, because THEY CHOSE to act that way. The responsibility is on them, not due to any other woman, or me, or me as a “Prototype” and vice versa. You are responsible for your own actions.

So, I guess I will end this one with several questions to him (the one that called me a “Prototype”) and everyone else who has read this post;
“What happened to just getting to know each other (without all of the sex and intimate pressure)?” “What happened to establishing a friendship and/or a relationship with substance?” “What are we rushing for?”

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section. I’d love to hear ‘em. Thanks for your support!

Miss Joi aka “The Ultimate and One-of-a-kind Prototype”


  1. I am going to have to agree with the guy... This is the type of feed back you give guys “Prototype for why niggas act like niggas sometimes.” Yeah it's cool to get to know some one and build a friendship and theres no rush to get into a relationship but if a guy is letting you know how he feel about you that like a dog marking his spot he wants to know. Letting you know he is in it to win it. (When I say in it to win it that mean your heart.)Granted guys want to fuck so he can get more out of you and shows how he feels towards you but we can wait. Another thing is guys sometimes wants to rush into a relationship because you "seem like" a good grab. Think about it would I want to invest my time to someone that cant give me a good return. The only way I can know that if I dumb more money (time) with my investment. If the investment doesnt change and move up i am cashing out and take my loses. Joi its not an ego thing its a insecure thing...

  2. you;re at the stage where you DO want a fuck buddy” or a “boyfriend?” I just wanted to clear that up for reference...

  3. Yo! Funny stuff. Men the New Women: an expose' into the lives of the new panty wearers. Coming Soon!