No Man Hater Here

A friend defined my blog in three words: “man hater site”. I was slightly offended. Hell, that’s just as bad as someone calling me a BBW-Bitter Black Woman, and I not one of those. Yet, I giggle as I repeat his quote back to myself. I believe that he certainly meant it as enduring since he tried to clean it up after I told him what I am about to tell you.

Let’s clear this up now, just in case you’re confused as well. This blog is not, by any means, not a man hater site. It was created as a tool to show my personal side as far as writing that ranges from my journey headed for entrepreneurship to eating at my favorite Thai food restaurant, Spice (199 8th Ave, btw 19th & 20th st).

I love men, in all flavors. I love everything about them; they way they smell, the way they think, the way they cause me to obsess and write about them. I’ve learned a vast amount of knowledge about myself and life’s experiences through the men that have touched my spirit (good or bad). I’m thankful for those experiences. I will never regret the ride. Therefore, when publish a post talking about any man, it is written to show what I’ve gained from the person and/or situation, not to slander someone’s reputation. That’s also the reason for code names instead of the real thing. Keeping the subject in mind and respecting the privacy of others.

Thank you all for the support and feedback!

Always,

Miss “I’m not a man hater” Joi

Restless...

I was coming home from work at around 5am when one of my customers spotted me on the train. We exchanged “Hello” and took our seats on the train. I had a book in hand ready to delve into the pages; however, I did not want to seem rude. The conversation began with the highlights from the previous night. I informed him that my night was very slow as far as work. He told me that he went to a birthday party at club Mansion. He mentioned that he “hated the club” but his friend’s birthday was there and he wanted to come out and support. Next, the discussion switched to careers and past work experience.

So, here’s my dilemma: I mentally cringe inside when someone inquires about what I do as far as a career and what I’m currently working on as far as projects. Why? I’m sure you’re asking as you continue to read this post. Well, I am a writer. But no one and I mean no one is content with the response, “Oh, I’m a writer” showing a smile and changing the subject. No, that’s never enough. The follow up question to that answer is “Well, what do you write?” This is where its gets tricky. People define you by what you do. Hell, I’m sure they even unconsciously judge you by your choice of work. At this point, I get nervous and think to myself, “Shit. What do I write? What am I doing with myself? Where is my career going?” I’m still searching to categorize myself as a _______writer. Therefore, I really can not give the person inquiring a solid answer. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m still trying to find my own niche. The most painful part of it all is what if I never find it and I’m still Restless…Restless with my half-baked, half-full career. I feel as if my GRIND to entrepreneurship has made a complete stop. I’m not sure where to go next.

My customer, as usual, asked me the same notorious question. The question that has me tongue-tied about my career.

“What do you write?” he said.

“Well, I’m qualified in a few areas but my expertise was in public relations. But, I’m not sure if I want to do that anymore. I don’t know,” I said unhappily while shrugging my shoulders.

The conversation continued about my educational background, past jobs, editorial magazines, and a few more sentences that ended with me saying, “I don’t know.”

Then he said, “How long have you been out of school?”

“Long enough,” I quickly commented.

“And your still saying ‘I don’t know’,” he brought to my attention.

“Well, yeah because I don’t know. What else should I say? I’m still sorting it all out.” I said.

I was relieved that we finally stopped talking about me and focused on his career and life experiences. I learned that he is in finance, went to college in Chicago, finished his senior year in Greece to study internationally, worked for Lehman Brothers up until last week, and has now taken a new position as VP at some bank. In addition, he is supporting his 21 year-old sister who will be going to college in Chicago as well.

I had to admit that I was impressed. He definitely sounded like he had it all figured out. He was confident but not arrogant at all. His story was motivating.

The train stopped and the doors opened.

“Is this your stop?” he said.

“Yes, it is.” I got up said my “good-byes” and bolted for the steps to get ahead in the cab line. I knew that I could only blame myself if I truly fail as a writer. I guess feeling Restless got one good thing out of me. It got me to write this post for my blog and I am happy that I decided to do it.

Food For Thought: Have you ever felt restless about your career? What did you do about it? How did you overcome it?

I welcome your comments as I am sure that they will inspire me. So, please don’t forget to type your opinions in the comment section.