Restless...

I was coming home from work at around 5am when one of my customers spotted me on the train. We exchanged “Hello” and took our seats on the train. I had a book in hand ready to delve into the pages; however, I did not want to seem rude. The conversation began with the highlights from the previous night. I informed him that my night was very slow as far as work. He told me that he went to a birthday party at club Mansion. He mentioned that he “hated the club” but his friend’s birthday was there and he wanted to come out and support. Next, the discussion switched to careers and past work experience.

So, here’s my dilemma: I mentally cringe inside when someone inquires about what I do as far as a career and what I’m currently working on as far as projects. Why? I’m sure you’re asking as you continue to read this post. Well, I am a writer. But no one and I mean no one is content with the response, “Oh, I’m a writer” showing a smile and changing the subject. No, that’s never enough. The follow up question to that answer is “Well, what do you write?” This is where its gets tricky. People define you by what you do. Hell, I’m sure they even unconsciously judge you by your choice of work. At this point, I get nervous and think to myself, “Shit. What do I write? What am I doing with myself? Where is my career going?” I’m still searching to categorize myself as a _______writer. Therefore, I really can not give the person inquiring a solid answer. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m still trying to find my own niche. The most painful part of it all is what if I never find it and I’m still Restless…Restless with my half-baked, half-full career. I feel as if my GRIND to entrepreneurship has made a complete stop. I’m not sure where to go next.

My customer, as usual, asked me the same notorious question. The question that has me tongue-tied about my career.

“What do you write?” he said.

“Well, I’m qualified in a few areas but my expertise was in public relations. But, I’m not sure if I want to do that anymore. I don’t know,” I said unhappily while shrugging my shoulders.

The conversation continued about my educational background, past jobs, editorial magazines, and a few more sentences that ended with me saying, “I don’t know.”

Then he said, “How long have you been out of school?”

“Long enough,” I quickly commented.

“And your still saying ‘I don’t know’,” he brought to my attention.

“Well, yeah because I don’t know. What else should I say? I’m still sorting it all out.” I said.

I was relieved that we finally stopped talking about me and focused on his career and life experiences. I learned that he is in finance, went to college in Chicago, finished his senior year in Greece to study internationally, worked for Lehman Brothers up until last week, and has now taken a new position as VP at some bank. In addition, he is supporting his 21 year-old sister who will be going to college in Chicago as well.

I had to admit that I was impressed. He definitely sounded like he had it all figured out. He was confident but not arrogant at all. His story was motivating.

The train stopped and the doors opened.

“Is this your stop?” he said.

“Yes, it is.” I got up said my “good-byes” and bolted for the steps to get ahead in the cab line. I knew that I could only blame myself if I truly fail as a writer. I guess feeling Restless got one good thing out of me. It got me to write this post for my blog and I am happy that I decided to do it.

Food For Thought: Have you ever felt restless about your career? What did you do about it? How did you overcome it?

I welcome your comments as I am sure that they will inspire me. So, please don’t forget to type your opinions in the comment section.

What Women Want (Better yet, what do men want?)

(When I asked a friend of a friend what did he want from a woman, he told me that he wanted a person who could accept that he was a sports fanatic. I thought he was extreme but he was honest. Later on, I inquired if he’d seen that movie starring Drew Barrymore that had the same type of plot.)

“Joi, do you want a man that holds your hand or a man that pulls your hair? I mean (pause), just let me know”

I raised my right eyebrow feeling perplexed, uneasy, “Hmmm, well, I want both. There’s a time for both.”

Happy with my response I proceeded to do my closing waitress duties; counting money and paperwork. However, after Wesley asked me that question, I could not get the idea out of my head. It bothered me for weeks and weeks.

Several months later…

I was on the phone with a close friend. Many people say that we are twins, except she has more tits and ass, so she’s more like a sister, aesthetically anyway. During our girl talk, I say, “Where are all the fine (meaning attractive), successful, faithful, black men? Do they exist?”

While the question rolled smoothly from my tongue, I figured that you can take race out of the equation and the same question is still relevant, which is “where are they?”)

“Yeah, they do exist but they’re all whores,” She rebuttals with a laugh.

“That can’t be true,” I respond.

A light bulb went off in my brain as I woke up the next day. I quickly grabbed my cell and began texting my twin. I desperately wanted to show her that she was incorrect and being pessimistic.

I type, “I could not sleep last night about what you said. Fine, successful black men do exist and I can name two of them. #1 was cute, successful, 40, divorced. We went out a couple of times but he said that he did not want to ruin me.”

She types back, “Ok, so he’s probably a whore.”

“#2, was the same, younger but he was the one that I told you about that saw me leave the party with the bartender and assumed the worst.”

She responds via text, “He’s an idiot.”

I chuckled to myself as I read my twin’s reply and part of me wanted to agree with her. But I did prove that these men do exist even if they came equipped with flaws. But both, Bachelor #1 (AKA Mr. CB, see post “The Unattainable” for more info on him) and Bachelor #2 were certainly the type of men who could pull my hair behind closed doors (if I wanted) and hold my hand in public, reassuring me that we were a “sure thing” for the time that I was out with them. As my feelings floated back to the past, both of them did enjoy PDA (Public Display of Affection) more than I did.

There’s no real solution to what women want. We all want very different things. When we are single it may seem that we’ll never find what we want or what we think we want or what other’s want for us as far as the opposite sex. Sometimes, we’re picky, never satisfied, and feel that the next best thing is just around the corner (so we leave our options open).

Oh! Wait. Was that description a more suitable definition of single men?

No matter the gender, what we don’t realize is that that “best thing” may be starring us right in the face. But we overlook it.

Maybe, the hunt for true love should take on the same methods as applying for a job, freelance gig or even finding the perfect shoes.

-Look at the criteria/guidelines
-Highlight all talents and previous experience (which includes being candid)
-Just roll the dice and take a chance

I know that we all (men and women) want someone that we can get along with. That’s just half the battle.

Really, what do you want? Can you find everything that you want in one person?