Monday, February 27, 2006

Why Settle For Less?

Saturday night was…I am not really sure that I can put it in words. Maybe I should say, bizarre? Maybe the words “questionable” and/or “suspicious” would be a more suitable description of my night. Well, I met him on Friday night at an event. As usual, I was hanging with the girls, dancing, and just having a good ‘ol time. This man stepped in my path and I proceeded to ask him why his face was so serious and why did he look so mean. Now, I will learn to keep my mouth closed unless I’m absolutely interested. We made small talk and then he proceeded to ask for my number. Surprisingly, I stored the information in his trendy palm pilot/cell phone with several doubts in my mind.

Since the beginning of 2005 and into 2006, I made a promise to myself that I would never settle for mediocrity. That vow to myself ranged from choosing men to choosing a career. Hey, let’s face it. I have standards and preferences like the next person. After he said “good night and I’ll call you tomorrow”, I knew that I had broken the promise. I knew that I wasn’t remotely interested. I definitely knew that he would never call. I am sure that you’ve figured it out by the end of the last sentence. He called (more then once). Suddenly, I found myself accepting his invitation to dinner. By this time, I’d realized that I just wasn’t fascinated and that I would write this outing off as a new experience and research for my blog. Research, you ask? Yes, it seems harsh but I had to go down this road again one last time. I had to dissect the past and the reasoning behind getting into situations such as this one. Was I trying to be nice? Was I just hungry? Was I bored? Was I settling? Why, What, Who, When, and How did I end up having a satisfying meal with a man who pulls change (actual coins) out of his pocket to pay the bill on a first date? It raised an eyebrow as I finished sipping my green tea.

Next, was the movie. I’d stored the “change fiasco” as a mental note in the back of my brain. Perhaps he was a man who is detail oriented and wanted to be precise when it came to paying the bill and leaving a tip. I can certainly empathize. However, it was all so weird that I cancelled it off as a one-time episode. I stroked my conscience into convincing me that it could not possibly happen again in the same night. Yet again, I was sadly mistaken.

As we were standing in the line for a midnight show, we’d eagerly agreed on our movie of choice. We approached the register and in the middle of the transaction I’d noticed that the tickets were not for the movie we’d decided on five minutes prior. I was perplexed. I inquired and with a pleasant smile I said, “Oh, so you changed your mind? Are we going to see Firewall instead of Freedomland?” He stressed that he’d seen Firewall. He had an entire explanation that covered buying tickets in bulk, getting discounted passes, and using them toward movies that are out for 10 days or longer. Basically, he used the passes and we were going to sneak into our original movie selection, but it was all in the name of a discount. This raised another eyebrow. It was strike two. Strike three and you’re out.

Well, strike three came sooner then later. In the mist of a heated pool game, the waitress took our order for two hot chocolates. Well in reality, he was up by two and I was at zero. She quickly returned with two, fresh, hot chocolates topped with whipped cream. “That will be $4.50”, she said. I guess you can imagine what he did next. He gave her $20.50 (actual coins) and I’m not sure about a tip. I don’t like to assume, so I’ll leave the tip at question. I quietly thought; “Yep, strike three. You’re out. Game over.”

I will confess that this was not the worst date in my 25 years of living. There were pros and cons about the evening. For instance, I got to listen to great music, we had great conversation, he had great manners and a great sense of humor. Essentially, I could not be mad at him. Maybe he’d taken a woman out who accepted these types of actions?

I was more mad at myself. Mad at myself for giving him my home number. Mad at myself for deceiving him. Mad at myself for not being entirely honest. Mad at myself for wasting his time. Mad at myself for using his money. Mad at myself for settling. Settling for something that I would not tolerate in any circumstance. I know that I would never settle in business, so why settle for “good” in my personal life, when I deserve “great”? I was becoming a liability to myself.

By the end of the night; I just wanted to go home to my life, my featherd down pillows, and my vibrator…at least with that (my vibrator), I never have any complaints and I always come out of the situation with an enormous smile across my face. So, why settle for less, when I can have so much more?

(Hi readers! It took a lot for me to write this one. I would love to read your feedback and/or comments about this post. Please tell me if you agree or disagree. Was I being unreasonable?)


  1. I wouldn't describe you as unreasonable, and don't beat yourself up for the exploration. If you don't test the waters you'll never find your favorite temperature.

    If you were to ask me I would say that it wasn't the "change" that irritated you with this man. It was him in general. He was more than likely not your type from the beginning, but you tested the waters anyway. There's nothing wrong with that but this is what you have to remember.

    When you first meet someone and looks are all you have to go on, if there isn't a strong physical attraction than the little things COUNT, and they count big. That same “change” may not have bothered you coming from the guy on your top 10 list. You may have pushed it to the back, learned to deal with it, or made an excuse for the behavior, or better yet stuck around long enough to find out that he's an aspiring entrepreneur just like yourself saving for his own company with an investment plan the he's deviating form just to take you out. Problem with the better yet is that with out the strong physical attraction you just won’t have the motivation to stick around.

    Now this doesn’t mean that it’s not possible to fall for someone who isn’t making your personal top 10. Some people are just in the right place at the right time. Unfortunate for him, he wasn’t. Maybe just maybe you are not in a place or time where anyway can really fit it. What if you simply aren’t ready? Maybe you are in a place where you can’t look past the little things no matter how well they tip, or how easily they say keep the change.

  2. As far as your bizarre night, let start wit the guy with the mean look.
    Lession#1.any guy with a mean look at a party is either a.very drink b.has a
    lot on his mind(baby momma drama) c.has little to no money d.all of the
    above. Now was it the trendy palm phone that compeld you to give up the #,or
    if he would have had a boost mobile would it have been more of I'll call
    you' kind of thing. Either way mean looks are not the best starts. Being a
    man in the dating game in 06 is not as easy as it looks. Everyone does not
    have a million,shit everyone does not have a hundred thou, and in most cases
    your date(girl)does not want to hear that, and surely not see it. So what is
    a guy to do?STUNT! I agree, it is not in good taste to pull out change on
    the first date. But while he was pulling out change did it cross your mind
    to offer any? Who are datees(females)(you)to judge someone for somthing to
    you dont do. Do females ever think how many points they would gain just by
    the concept of the offer? I know what your thinking, he asked me out so he
    should pay,this must be why I think that I have a better chance at hitting
    to lottery then being asked out. And even if asked theres a good chance I'll
    end up paying anyway. So as a man, why settle for a date that won't even
    offer? Cause if we don't settle for less, we would settle for none. And I
    can only speak for myself but going home to a bottle of KY and some porn is
    just not what it use to be!! So all in all we settle for less right now,
    look for more tomarrow! And as for that date of yours, Don't hate the playa,
    hate the Change....

  3. What in the hell is mediocrity? And how superficial a comment is that? For real. So....I guess that you a man that could perhaps provide for his family, pay bills, own his own home, business, and car would be considered mediocre if he just wears an ice grill. I get it. Now for the positives in what you wrote.....

    The fact that you "settled" could be a positive. Like in never know until you give someone or something a chance. It is a very disheartening that some poor chap probably thinks that he met the woman of his dreams and not only is he "sadly mistaken," but he had no chance. Now what if he call you up and presents you with a gift that he paid $2,0099.97 (in coins) for. What would you do then????